Wow

Since, my last post, I have lost complete control. I've been working a minimum of 60 hour weeks and haven't hit the gym or moved much out of my chair at work. I've been eating everything in sight and have been making some poor choices. I don't know what's going on with me. I know this is all stress related and can not believe the damage that I have done. I have worked so hard and let it all slip away so easily and quickly. I know it's not over and it's just a stumble and I can pick up the pieces and move on, but wow, is all I can say. How quickly I can screw up such hard work. The truest thing ever said about this surgery was that the lap band is just a tool. If I choose not to change my life, the lap band will not help. I have felt like crap for the past few weeks and fuller than I ever should be. I only have 3 weeks of tax season left. I hope to get to the gym sometime later this week. I will make better choices and eat only when I'm hungry. I did start making this really yummy tuna dish for lunch. I use a can of tuna, some golden raisins, chopped onions, fat free mayo and chopped broccoli. It's so filling and different than just plain old tuna.

What's done is done. I changed my appointment to the end of April. No point in going in before when I haven't been doing what I'm supposed to be doing. I certainly don't want to be lectured at this point. I know I screwed up, but it's not over. I want to get back on track now. I can do this. I will succeed. I have learned so much about myself throughout this journey and still have a long way to go.

Tomorrow is another day and I will get back on track and do the right thing for my health. No more fooling around. Christine first.

I don't want to post the updates, because I'm embarrassed that I let things spin out of control so quickly without realizing in such a short amount of time.

No Fill For Me!!

I didn't get a fill yesterday. The surgeon says my reaction to bread and chicken was typical when the band is this tight. He thinks it's at a good point now and will only fill in small increments in the future, like a quarter or half cc. The doctor said my weight loss is slow and I just looked at him. Duh!! It's what I complain about every single visit. We once again went through the foods I eat on a daily basis and he was only concerned with my breakfast which is a No Sugar Added Carnation Instant Breakfast shake made with skim milk plus. He always tears apart that breakfast, but honestly, I went home and looked at the box versus a box of cereal that he suggested and I just don't get it. The shake looks so much healthier and a third of the carbs. I will have to bring the box in next visit because I'm so confused. I really don't mean to challenge so much. I'm just trying to learn and once again, I feel like I'm getting conflicting information. Of course, yesterday I was still at my highest weight in the past 3 weeks when I went for my weigh in, but somehow managed to lose a pound according to their records. I haven't been to the gym since Sunday and haven't been eating veggies like I should be because I'm broke and imagine my surprise when I stepped on the scale this morning. I seriously don't get it at all!!!

HW 317, PSW 306.4, SW 284, CW 263

Weekly Update

Since joining the gym, I went 3 days one week and 4 days last week. A huge accomplishment since it's tax season and I have virtually no time for anything, but work. That being said, this week will be one of those weeks and don't expect to hit the gym until Friday. I spend about an hour each day I'm there, doing mainly cardio/fat burn. I still have the weight gain from 2 weeks ago, but will post the results today. It's just frustrating because I know it's not real and now I will be going to the surgeon this week and not showing good results even though I've been doing more than I have ever been. Oh well. Just have to wait it out for my body to adjust once again.

Results: HW 317,PSW 306.4, SW 284, CW 265

Figured This Out

I love cooking, but need a recipe. I'm not at the point where I could be given a few ingredients and make this wonderful meal from it. Today, I had a yummy lunch and figured it out on my own. I had one of those chicken breasts still left. Every time I have opened the fridge door since Friday, it's terrified me. Then I looked to the left and the right and saw some salsa and some shredded cheese. Hmmmmmm. I threw the rest of the salsa on it and some of the shredded cheese and it was absolutely delicious and good for me. Best part of the whole things was that I didn't have any problems swallowing it. Woohoo!!!

No gym today because I'm getting a massive workout from running up and down the stairs carrying loads of laundry, vacuuming and doing other house work. I'm wiped out already, but have a lot more to go. Even though I am sometimes out of breath, I feel great and keep pushing ahead. What a difference this loss of weight has made. I'm a happy girl!!

Uh Oh

So, remember yesterday how I said that when I got sick, it wasn't necessarily an immediate thing?? Well, I learned today that the conference room in my office (where we eat lunch) is REALLY far from the bathroom. Today's lunch was a hero. I have not had any problems eating this sandwich before today. Today, I was about 3 bites in and I got sick all over myself on the way to the bathroom. I don't think the bread agrees with me anymore or I'm not chewing enough. Either case, I cleaned myself up and went back and just ate a little bit of the meat off the sandwich. Guess I should just stick to the tuna for now on.

I'm gonna say that I will not be filled when I go back for my next appointment.

I do not regret anything. This is just a little obstacle that I need to learn how to get past and I will.

I'm Back

I haven't posted in awhile for many reasons, but have learned a great deal. Just to update, about a week and a half ago, I received another cc of saline in my band, so I'm up to 5 cc's now. Recovery time was pretty much nothing, a complete breeze compared to the prior fill. I definitely have felt the difference since these last 3 cc's were filled. I have to be a lot more conscious of what I'm eating, how I'm eating it and remember to slow down. Today marked the first actual time I got sick eating. It wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be, but it wasn't great either. I ate chicken that I had frozen and reheated. Not the greatest idea unless I have gravy or something to make it moist. That was my problem. It got stuck in my chest area. It hits quick and right away you know something is wrong. I tried drinking some water, but also knew immediately that it wasn't going to do the trick. I went to the bathroom and got sick. It's not like when you have a virus and possibly can't make the bathroom. You can make it, but it's an uncomfortable feeling and scary. I've been told to stay calm, but of course, when it's you going through it, it's easier said than done. I did relax as much as I could, drank some water, which only made things worse, but eventually everything worked itself out. Naturally, I haven't been entirely myself since. My legs have been rubbery and I just really want to go home and lay down for a bit.

So, as you have read in previous posts, I have freaked out about the slightest weight gain, especially when there is absolutely no reason for it. I discussed it again with everyone at my last appointment and everyone said that it's just hormonal weight gain and I just have to learn to let it pass because there is nothing I can to do prevent it and it always comes off in a week or two. I have still felt that things have been on the slow side. I've been losing, steady, I guess, but so slow. They actually told me that I'm about 10 pounds ahead of schedule. Imagine that!! I was also told to relax and to get out of my head a certain number of pounds to lose. I'm doing fantastic and should be so proud of all I've accomplished. Of course, I am, but I'm trying not to think about it as much anymore. I'm trying to ignore the scale more.

A couple of weeks ago, I finally found a gym that has everything that I've been looking for. I got a free hour session with a personal trainer with my membership and met with her last week. Boy, did I learn a lot!! Seems I've been working out wrong all along. Weights first and then cardio to lose the most weight. Circuit training isn't the best because your muscles get too used to the same motions and after awhile it's not beneficial anymore. I do still do the circuit machines, which are completely different than I've ever used. It takes me about 20 minutes to go through them. I'm starting off easy, but I think next week, I'll go back to 3 sets. Then I do a half hour on the elliptical trainer. I only do the weights every other time because you have to give your muscles a chance to recover and rebuild themselves. On the 'other' days, I'm trying to do the elliptical trainer for about 40 minutes. I made it to 45 the other night. Not bad at all, if you ask me!! So, I've bounced back to the gym with no problems and I'm not letting tax season stop me. I sure wish I could afford the personal trainer because she was wonderful. She did some functional training with me that kicked my butt, but felt amazing!! That's really what I should be doing. Maybe in time. It's amazing that if you stand a certain way, a simple movement will work your entire body and feel so great. I'm having a great time at the gym so far. It's a little crowded, but I'm dealing with it. Feeling great afterwards, however, got on the scale this week and I had gained a few pounds again. I just can't win!! I'm trying to ignore it though.

Another thing I have realized is that I have not been drinking nearly enough water so I have completely changed that and drink only water constantly. I have to make a million trips to the bathroom, but that gets me out of my chair at work and it definitely helps.

I feel at this point that everything has fallen into place for me. Making the right choices has become easy, if not second nature. I don't have cravings anymore like I used to. If I feel like a brownie, I have one, a small one, but I don't sacrifice. Honestly, I rarely chose the wrong things which is so crazy for anyone that knows me. I still love to eat, but I enjoy what I eat more and don't want to waste eating food on garbage. I'm definitely a much happier person, but it's not necessarily all due to the weight loss. I've really been going through a complete transformation in the last 9 months or so and I'm a much better person because of it.

I will not share results now, but my lowest has been 261.2. :)

Saw This and Thought it Was Very Funny-Enjoy!

THE TODDLER DIET

You folks with toddlers should relate to this one!

Americans are always on the lookout for a new diet. The
trouble with most diets is that you don't get enough to
eat (the starvation diet), or you don't get enough
variation (the liquid diet) or you go broke (the all-meat
diet).

Well, now there's the new Toddler Miracle Diet! Over the
years you may have noticed, as I have, that most two-year-
olds are trim. It came to me one day over a glass of water
and a carrot that perhaps their diet is the reason. After
consultation with pediatricians, X-ray technicians, and
distraught Moms, I was able to formulate this new diet.

Good luck!

DAY ONE
Breakfast: One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape
jelly. Eat 2 bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the
rest on the floor. Take 1 bite of toast, then smear the
jelly over your face and clothes.

Lunch: Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips,
and a glass of milk (3 sips only, then spill the rest).

Dinner: A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, 4 sips of
flat Pepsi.

Bedtime snack: Toast a piece of bread and toss it on the
kitchen floor.

DAY TWO
Breakfast: Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat
it. Drink half bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of
vegetable dye.

Lunch: Half a tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a
handful of Purina Dog Chow (any flavor) or cat food, if you
are named MiKayla. One ice cube, if desired.

Afternoon Snack: Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take
outside, drop in dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until
it is clean again. Then bring inside and drop on the rug.

Dinner: A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust
up your left nostril. Pour grape Kool-Aid over mashed
potatoes; eat with a spoon.

DAY THREE
Breakfast: Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat one with
fingers, rub in hair. Glass of milk; drink half, stuff other
pancake in glass. After breakfast, pick up yesterday's sucker
from rug, lick off fuzz, and put it on the cushion of your
best chair.

Lunch: Three matches, peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Spit
several bites onto the floor. Pour glass of milk on table
and slurp up.

Dinner: Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, some red
punch.

FINAL DAY
Breakfast: A quarter-tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of
soap, an olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of Cornflakes,
add a half cup of sugar. Once cereal is soggy, drink milk
and feed cereal to dog.

Lunch: Eat crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet.
Find that sucker and finish eating it.

Dinner: A glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave meat-
ball on plate. Stick of mascara for dessert.