Frustrated!!

Ugh, since the closing of my gym, I just haven't been the same. I haven't found one compatible and I haven't been working out at home. I've gone back to some of my old habits and I HAVE TO STOP!!!! My weight is going up now and I can't take it. It's not a lot and I know that I have been snacking a lot more just because I want to eat and I HAVE TO STOP IT!!! I emailed my nutritionist for some words of wisdom or something because I need to get my head back in a good place. I just can't right now. Too much stress and pressure this time of year. I wish it was a happier time, but it's just not and I anxiously await for it to be over. I want 2011 to just be here and then I feel like I can just start over. I don't know what else to do right now. I have lost total control. I've been really struggling financially and haven't been able to buy all of the foods I need everyday to keep me on track. Tomorrow, I get paid and intend to not pay some bills until next month so I can stock up on some foods that will help me lose weight again. Looking forward to preparing my tax return so I can get my refund ASAP so I can breathe again. So many frustrations and stress in life. I know they won't go away and I have to learn how to deal with everything better. I'm trying. I am, but it's so evident how this is such a difficult and life long struggle for me. I put on a size 1X sweater today and felt so good. I haven't worn it in years. That should be enough, right?? Or the fact that I just feel so wonderful when I eat the way I'm supposed to versus when I do eat foods that I shouldn't and yet that's not enough either. Being able to move around so much easier and sleeping better with no sleep apnea doesn't do it either. Deep breaths. I just have to try to focus on a healthier life and stop thinking about food. It's so evil and it's something I need to be able to live and survive.