A few thoughts...

First, I emailed my nutritionist yesterday because I am confused about the types of food, how much, etc. I'm supposed to be eating during the first two phases. Here are three sentences from her email and you tell me if I should not still be confused!! "For example, Phase 1 is Clear Liquids. You can drink 100% apple/grape/cranberry juice only during this phase or have some tea, broth, diet jello, Italian ice, etc. The choice is yours as long as you do not eat solid food or drink beverages which are not clear." Since when is cranberry juice a clear liquid!!! I did make an appointment to see her when I see the surgeon the week after surgery. I guess I'm just going to do the best I can. I want to make sure I don't get sick, but am still getting everything I am supposed to be.

Second, I did pre-op this morning. I had to have an EKG, blood taken, urine tested, questions answered and chest X-ray. I did start to get a little upset while waiting on the various people helping me. This is really real and it's really happening next week. I think I am more then nervous. I'm scared. Not scared enough to not go through with it, but scared. I will have a breathing tube down my throat during surgery. Everyone is just so casual about it. I know this is their job and it's second nature to them AND it's not them going through it, but I think it almost makes it worse because it's a major surgery and it's very serious. All the doctors and surgeons know each other, which is comforting because it's not their first rodeo, but still....

Lastly, Anthony found out late last night that one of his friends passed away. He just had surgery on Friday from a broken ankle and torn ligments from three weeks prior. He was home, sitting in his chair and had a heart attack. He was 35 years old. I went in the bathroom a short time after Anthony told me and cried, both for the loss of Joe and for the increase in my anxiety about my own surgery. Many factors are different between him and I...obvious different type of surgery and smoked two packs a day, but he was also on the heavy side. I don't want to discuss this with Anthony because he is dealing with enough right now and he was already nervous about my surgery as it was, but now, I'm even more nervous. An autopsy is supposed to be performed today to see what exactly caused his heart attack. Nonetheless, it is still a shock and very sad. It's clearer everyday why smoking and being so overweight is dangerous. I am glad that I have made the decision to handle my problem and increase my health. As one of my friends has been telling me for the past week, positive thoughts. I have been praying a lot and intend to go to Church to light a candle for both Joe and his family and for my health. It's been a rough 12 hours, to say the least.