Feeling Great!!

I felt obligated to write some more today. I want to emphasize just how great I feel after this past weekend. I don't do well when my life is in chaos and unfortunately it has been that way for a few years. It has affected my work as well. Today, is the first day in I couldn't tell you how long that I walk around with a smile on my face, feel wonderful (despite only getting 3 hours of sleep and having to work a full day) and confident again. I will be the first to admit that I have been miserable for awhile and I'm sure most of it has stemmed from my weight. Even though I still struggle, I have taken off 50 pounds and see a light at the end of the tunnel. I am getting back in gear and focusing on taking off the next 50 pounds. It made me smile again this morning to put on a size 1X shirt (that definitely shrunk in the wash) and it look great. I had on a size 2X sweater yesterday that I felt I was swimming in. Might as well get the last Christmas season out of it now. Now that I am getting my weight under control and my work and personal life in order, I feel like I can work on my emotions and being happy again. I like feeling this way. I want to be much more positive about things and just make the best of them now. I have actually noticed that my patience is growing and it's a good thing. I am calm.

Smiles. :)

I'm Embarrassed

I don't want to write a blog today, but I'm going to. As you know, the past week or so, I've really struggled and lost complete control. I have spent the past few days really getting life in order. The house, for the most part, is spotless. I went food shopping on Saturday and picked up a lot of my essentials I had run out of. I made an amazing dinner for my family (stuffed chicken with brie, apples and almonds) and am back on track now. I feel good. My weight is actually down a couple of pounds from when I last blogged, but still up from my weekly weigh in. I intend to start on my elliptical trainer tonight, even if it's for 20-30 minutes. I have several shows I enjoy watching on DVD and they are a perfect length for me to watch during my workout. I really feel no pain in my port and haven't for awhile. I can laugh and it not hurt. Every once in a while, I feel a little tinge, but nothing to be concerned about.

So here we go: HW 317, PSW 306.4, SW 284, CW 269.6

I Have the Best Nutritionist in the World!!

As noted in my previous post, I emailed my nutritionist this morning and received the following response:

"Hi Christine,
I'm so sorry for your struggles and frustrations! Here are some ideas:


1) You must find an alternative to the gym! If you can't find a new gym/YMCA nearby, then consider getting some exercise equipment to use at home and exercise DVDs. If this does not appeal to you, schedule at least 1/2 hour to do some kind of movement each day. Even dancing at home to music will do! You can also accumulate the 30 minutes by doing 15 min in the am and 15 min in the pm.


2) What is provoking you to snack all the time? If you are not really hungry then it's emotional or exhaustion or dehydration.
First be sure you are drinking enough water. Sip all the time. I know it's a pain, but drinking water can help. Second, if you really miss the gym do ANYTHING to keep moving. Just don't sit too long. If you have to be at your computer, get up every 1/2 - 1 hour and walk around somewhere, do stretches, or bring some free weights (even cans) to work to do some strengthening exercises. Be in constant motion. Walk a little faster then you normally do. Take stairs. KEEP MOVING! Sounds crazy and you'll look a little funny, but it will work to burn calories. You'll also feel lighter and less puffy. Third, if you are overtired you need to rest. Go to sleep earlier tonight. Try not to overextend yourself. If you are worried or anxious, make a list of non-food pleasures that you use to calm down. Books, music, shopping, letter writing, movies, baths/showers, phone calls, etc. etc. The minute you want to reach for a snack and you know you are not hungry, reach for your "pleasure list" instead. And do one of the things on the list. (PS maybe you need to add something on the list you need to resolve...like telling Amy off! If you are upset, then clearing the air can make you feel more in control, which will help you control other things in your life, such as your weight).


By the way...I had long conversations with both Amy and Dr. Merola. Dr. M. is very concerned about Amy's behavior and she knows she needs to work on this negativity and inaccurate information. I have scheduled a training with the whole team for January to be sure everyone is aware of the latest in Bariatric Nutrition Therapy. I will keep you informed.


Stay strong and let me know how you are doing!"

For those of you that don't know, Amy is some kind of nurse that works in the bariatric department and visits with me and every other patient during our appointments. I think my nutritionist had the last straw the last time I visited with her. I'm not really one to complain about other professionals. I know people have bad days and just chalk a lot up to inexperience or lack of knowledge of how to deal with the public. I personally am not a people person. I HATE people, lol. I do whatever possible without ever talking to a human being. For a long time, I was a very shy person, so that was one reason. When I did need to talk to people, I would always get the most incompetent person helping me. It just got to the point where I didn't want to deal with anyone and thanks to the internet, I very rarely have to anymore. Anyway, I am not the first to speak about 'being nervous about going to get weighed in' or 'they aren't going to be happy with my weight loss' or just about the inconsistencies in the educational supplies handed out. I am happy that I will be able to help others out in the future and even myself now. I've just begun on this journey. My life is forever changed and I am unlike anyone else that hasn't had this surgery. I eat differently and am affected differently by food. It's not a bad thing at all, it's just different and I have to live my life accordingly. I do have to admit that I a little nervous about going to my next appointment. I'm hoping my name wasn't used, but I'm sure it was. Oh well, it was all honest and I was frustrated. How can I be told 4 different things?? Which one is right? Who do I listen to? Now, I will know. Everything will be the same.

Frustrated!!

Ugh, since the closing of my gym, I just haven't been the same. I haven't found one compatible and I haven't been working out at home. I've gone back to some of my old habits and I HAVE TO STOP!!!! My weight is going up now and I can't take it. It's not a lot and I know that I have been snacking a lot more just because I want to eat and I HAVE TO STOP IT!!! I emailed my nutritionist for some words of wisdom or something because I need to get my head back in a good place. I just can't right now. Too much stress and pressure this time of year. I wish it was a happier time, but it's just not and I anxiously await for it to be over. I want 2011 to just be here and then I feel like I can just start over. I don't know what else to do right now. I have lost total control. I've been really struggling financially and haven't been able to buy all of the foods I need everyday to keep me on track. Tomorrow, I get paid and intend to not pay some bills until next month so I can stock up on some foods that will help me lose weight again. Looking forward to preparing my tax return so I can get my refund ASAP so I can breathe again. So many frustrations and stress in life. I know they won't go away and I have to learn how to deal with everything better. I'm trying. I am, but it's so evident how this is such a difficult and life long struggle for me. I put on a size 1X sweater today and felt so good. I haven't worn it in years. That should be enough, right?? Or the fact that I just feel so wonderful when I eat the way I'm supposed to versus when I do eat foods that I shouldn't and yet that's not enough either. Being able to move around so much easier and sleeping better with no sleep apnea doesn't do it either. Deep breaths. I just have to try to focus on a healthier life and stop thinking about food. It's so evil and it's something I need to be able to live and survive.

Update

OK, I'm back on track now. I made enough food for a few dinners yesterday and grabbed an apple to bring to work as a snack. I can do this!! I went through my closet this weekend and I really forget how much clothing I own. I'm excited that I get to wear things I haven't worn in two or more years. It's like new clothes to me all over again, not to mention the several items that still have tags on them because I never fit in them to begin with, but just had to lose five pounds. I have about 5 bags that need to go to charity that I no longer fit in and NEVER WILL AGAIN!!!

I don't think I'm eating enough calories. I will have to start focusing on that. I think my body is starving and that is why I've kind of been stuck at the same weight.

I am amazed by how clueless and hypocritical some people are. I spied some Christmas gifts that I will be given this year, one being a tower of food/cookies/candy. Really?!?!?! Yes, I can eat all of whatever it is, but should I be?? I mean, I certainly don't need help eating. I never have. Why am I getting this as a gift from someone that knows I had this surgery?? I just don't get people. I guess this present will be coming to the office for my coworkers to enjoy. What a waste of money to me. Just sitting here shaking my head.

The results: HW 317, PSW 306.4, SW 284, CW 267

Slowly, but surely, it's coming off. I'm avoiding ALL holiday parties this year, including my own office's. I have to. I am having family over Sunday for dinner, but since I'm making it, I will know everything in it and will make it healthy.

I Gave Up

I sort of gave up this week. I didn't eat all my meals, but made most of the right decisions over the weekend when I did eat. I've had a lot on my mind and just didn't want to focus on eating. I realize now that it is something I have to think about constantly and is a huge part of my life. When there's so much other stuff going on, it's hard to stay so focused and 'good'. I didn't do any exercise and probably won't get to real working out until next week. Still doing a ton in the house, which in itself is a little bit of working out. Too much to do and way too little time. It's a crazy time of year. I'm not doing much decorating this year. I just can't. So many other things to do before that can happen and I'm only one person and work a full time job. The tree is up and decorated. Have to get the stockings hung and put out some other minor things. Maybe next year the house will get completely decorated. I feel like I'm still catching up from all the work that was done over the summer, probably because I am. I don't have a huge house, but when you only have a couple hours a night and sometimes only one weekend day, it's hard to get it all done. This is the most major work I've done since I've moved in. Oh and I have a major shopping addiction.

This week's results: HW 317, PSW 306.4, SW 284, CW 267.6

Follow Up

I was surprised that I did not get filled last night. They weren't thrilled with my results, but lap band weight loss is slow and as long as I keep going down, it's good. They were afraid I would get sick if they tightened me more because of the amount of food I am currently eating. They wanted me to come back in 3-4 four weeks, but that falls right before Christmas and New Years and I'm not have a liquid holiday, so my next appointment is January 7, where I will most likely get filled.

My nutritionist made me feel so great!! She said that she uses me as examples in her lectures because she is so proud of my progress and how I take what she teaches me and applies it to my life. I'm a completely different person I was 7 months ago.

Simply, I'm happy and this was the best thing I could have ever done.

Funny thing happened at work yesterday too. It was my first 'test' at work. We had a staff meeting and it's customary for them to bring pizza in for everyone while the partners talk. Knowing this ahead of time, I decided to bring in my own turkey salad and applesauce. I wasn't even tempted and didn't feel weird. No one made any comments to me except for a friend of mine that couldn't believe that I could sit there with pizza in front of me and not be bothered that I wasn't eating it. She said she could never do it and was incredibly impressed. I told her that I'm really serious about it and felt fine being in that situation. I am not going to the office holiday party for many reasons, one being that I do not expect any options for me to choose from and that's ok. I expect Saturday lunches during tax season to be a breeze now. I will not participate in the bagel breakfasts and on the days that pizza is brought in, I will make sure to bring my own lunch.

I feel really good and am smiling typing this. I really have to say that I am incredibly proud of myself and never thought I could feel or think this way. It's nice.

Happy Birthday to Me

You know it's a good day when you wake up, get in the shower and feel skinny!! Thanksgiving is an easy holiday for me. I feel like there are a lot of good choices as far as the food is concerned. Luckily for me, my mom is a health nut and food nazi, so very little bad foods and snacks are ever around for any holiday. I did try almost everything at dinner, but ended up leaving some food on my plate that my mom just wrapped up for me to take home. Then, when it was time for her to make me up a care package, I just pointed out the foods that were good for me or that I hadn't tried. It worked out great and I didn't miss out on a thing!!

This surgery has truly changed my life. I can't even begin to explain how great I feel everyday. I never realized how uncomfortable and awful I felt every day of my life before the surgery and I also don't think I realized that it wasn't normal to feel that way. I never ache any more. I have no more back problems and my sleep apnea has gone away. It's wonderful sleeping the night through. I love walking. I look forward to doing things around the house and actually spend hours doing them versus the 10 minutes or so I used to in the past. I always gave up because I was huffing and puffing or sweating. I almost don't mind sweating anymore. Weird.

I did get some bad news on Friday. A lady from my gym called and said they were closing up shop the next day and would be closed the entire month of December. They were possibly reopening in January under new ownership and would still honor the rate I was given. I'm so upset. Nothing like giving people a lot of notice. I've been doing so incredibly well and now another gym has closed. I have my elliptical trainer downstairs, which is great and I will use, but what about all the weights I was doing?? I really don't think I'll go back in January because I just can't take these chains closing anymore. I've developed muscles again!! I don't want to be flabby. I will try to do some hand weights and see how that goes, but I can't imagine it being the same. I really am devastated. I absolutely loved doing the weighted circuit training. It was so perfect for me. 40-45 minutes and I was done. Well, I have a few days to think about it. I don't want too much time to pass because I don't want to lose what I've worked so hard to get.

And on to the results....HW 317, PSW 306.4, SW 284, CW 266.4 Now, I have officially lost over 50 pounds and I feel wonderful!!! Can't wait to get the next 50 off.

3 Months

I can't believe that it's been 3 months since my surgery. I have not done as well as I would have liked and I have no one to blame but myself. For the first time, I actually understand and know where I have gone wrong. I have been going to the gym at least 3 times a week and will start increasing my water intake and focus much more on my six meals a day. The surgeon will not be happy on December 1st, but I think I finally have things back under control again.

Results: HW 317, PSW 306.4, SW 284, CW 268.8

Stress

My stress level is beyond anything I've ever experienced before. It's not something that's going to change anytime soon and I'm just not in a very good place mentally. I have strayed from my diet a little. I did dip into the Halloween candy in the office for some tootsie rolls. I have been having more snacks then I should be having at night. I've definitely been grazing. The fill in the lapband is definitely noticeable and I'm so grateful for it. I know I could be doing much more damage then I have been, but not losing anywhere near the weight I should be. I did get back on track this week with the gym. I went Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday and hope to be there at least 3 days next week as well, if not 4. I am trying, but seem to have lost some control. I'm trying to buckle down more and get back on track over the next few days so that by the time Monday rolls around, I will be OK again. I have been eating more fish to try to counteract some of the damage I've done. I have to just take a deep breath and jump back in. As I type the word TRY, I keep hearing, "Don't try, DO!!"

The unknown in life completely sucks.

HW 317, PSW 306.4, SW 284 CW 268.2

Halloween Aftermath

OK, so in my last post, I noted that all of my candy was taken by trick or treaters and there was nothing left for my house. Well, now at work, all of my co-workers are bringing in their leftover candy. Typically, it is not left at my end of the office, so it offers such little temptation if any to me. This year, there is a ton of it, not only on my side of the office, but in my direct line of sight!!! I'm sitting and eating carrots right now, which are great, but seeing chocolate is actually killing me. I know this will pass and I will forget it's there, but right now, it's almost impossible for me not to get up and grab a handful to eat. Thankfully, my past closet eating habits are kicking in and since some people in my office know I had the surgery, I could not possibly take any candy and eat it. I know, it's bad that I still have those thoughts, but I'm a work in progress.

Something that a friend of mine said to me over the weekend..."Don't say you are losing weight. Say you are getting rid of it. If you lose something you always find it."

Surgeon Follow Up and Progress Report

One thing I wanted to add about Vegas....well, actually two things. First, I had bought a seatbelt extender a couple of years ago because I did not want to be embarrassed if I had to ask for one. I didn't need it then, but I am especially happy that I didn't need it this trip. I even had a couple of inches room in the belt. Woohoo!!! At the buffets, I actually left food on my plate. This would never have happened before. Waste not, want not. I'm totally fine with leaving food on my plate, even if I can't doggy bag it. As someone said to me, they have seen a complete turn around with my life and it's true. Again, not something I ever thought would happen, but timing was just right and I did something that worked for me.

On to the surgeon follow up. I knew it. I got filled. They weren't disappointed in my weight loss over the month, but decided it was time. I had to lay down on the table with my hands under my head. I had to push out my stomach so that the port could be easily found. The needle was so long and I was scared, but they said it wouldn't hurt and they didn't lie. It was just uncomfortable. The assistant couldn't find the opening in the port and actually bent the needle and had to start over. Once he found it, he had to push pretty hard to get it in, then extract the air, unscrew the syringe, let the air out and finally put the saline in. I got filled with 2 cc's worth of saline. I have to pass a test which consists of drinking water. No problems. They don't expect there to be a problem for another couple of months. Lovely. Can't wait. After getting filled, you are on a liquid diet for 2 days since the stomach gets a little inflamed. Again, no problems eating regular foods on Saturday. Since one month is the day before Thanksgiving, I asked if it was alright if I come the following week because drinking Thanksgiving dinner would just suck. So now there will be five weeks until my next visit.

Halloween ended up not being that bad. I bought 2 huge bags of candy Friday night and it was all gone when I got home Sunday night. Nothing left for me to eat!!

Back to the gym tonight, which I'm really looking forward to. I love going and it has helped me tremendously!!

The results:HW 317, PSW 306.4, SW 284, CW 269.8 WOOHOO!! Done in the 260s now. Looking forward to the 250s very soon!!

Las Vegas Trip

Flew in really early Tuesday morning and then went to work, which means I had no scale for a week!! Before leaving on vacation, I wanted to pack a scale and weigh myself while on vacation. I've been really neurotic with it. I'm glad I did not take the scale and hopefully have grown out of the constantly weighing myself phase now.

Anyone that has ever been to Vegas knows that all you do is walk EVERYWHERE. Whatever it is you want to see is about as far as it can be from where you are at that moment. Every morning, we walked to McDonald's and I got an Egg McMuffin sandwich (the least amount of calories with protein-300), lunch was had at various restaurants where I had different kinds of sliders mainly or a cheeseburger without the bun and dinner was a buffet. It wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be to make the right choices. I had sushi every night with no problems and chose lots of protein, mainly fish and steamed vegetables where available. I had dessert, not always sugar free because I didn't care for the choices, but had small bites of a few things. I really didn't have any snacks in between and drank as much water as possible. I definitely ate larger portions than I should have, but didn't go really crazy. I never felt stuff, but always satisfied. I did not have one alcoholic drink, but did have a frozen virgin strawberry daiquiri at one of the shows. NO REGRETS!!!

Tonight is another follow up with the surgeon. Since I battled the first 2-3 weeks up and down the same pound or two, I would say there is a pretty excellent chance of my getting filled tonight. I'm trying not to think about it because then my nerves will get the best of me.

My really AWESOME results: HW 317, PSW 306.4, SW 284, CW 270.8 <------- who loses 4 pounds going to Vegas?!?!?! I DO, THAT'S WHO!!!!

I Can't Believe it's Been Eight Weeks Already!!

I know, I owe you some pictures. In Vegas, I will make sure to take some and post them when I get back. We are leaving early Wednesday morning and I already started scoping out my food options. This past month, I have been up and down the same 2 pounds and I'm frustrated. Some of it was my fault, but I've been working so hard at the gym. Why doesn't it counteract the times I was bad more??? I did a ton of walking this weekend and making sure to go to the gym tonight and tomorrow night, even though I haven't started packing yet. I will be doing so much walking in Vegas and zero drinking of the alcoholic kind. I will be trying to make all of the right food choices, although I may stray a speck from time to time. I am packing my healthy snacks for in between meals. I have everything under control and hope the weight falls off me this next week. I fear I will get filled when I get back from Vegas now though. I know it's not the end of the world and the whole reason I got the surgery, but I'm still nervous about it. I find myself eating a little too fast and getting food stuck. I have to just slow it down a tad at meals, which shouldn't be hard for me, but most nights I don't eat dinner until 7:30. I rarely get hungry, but after the gym, even though I eat a high protein bar and drink lots of water, I still find myself starving when I get home. It's probably a good thing, but the reason I eat too fast most times.

So here are the results...HW 317, PSW 306.4, SW 284, CW 274.4

Halloween Sucks!!

I wish Halloween wasn't on a Sunday this year. Over the past two days, I have been shopping and twice put back Halloween candy. If I buy it now, I'm afraid I will be tempted to eat it. Unfortunately, there isn't a lot of candy I don't like, so I can't just buy stuff I won't eat. I'm a bit of a party pooper and put candy out in a box so that the doorbell doesn't torture my pets and so that my house doesn't get egged. This year, I could do without the whole thing. Of course, there will also be the weeks afterward at work where everyone brings in the extra candy from their homes. UGH!!!!!!!!!

The gym has been awesome to me though!! Going back tomorrow, Thursday and Friday night this week and then the following Monday and Tuesday before I leave for Vegas.

I have to stay strong!!

7 Weeks and Counting

I need to explain exactly what a lap band is again because in speaking to some people over the weekend, it was quite disturbing that they still don't understand exactly what I have been through and have in my body. Meredith, I will also explain what to be 'filled' means.

The lap band itself is a round piece of plastic that is tightened around the upper portion of your stomach like a ring. It has 4-6 plastic pillows on the inside of the band that are touching the outside of the stomach. These pillows are attached to a tube that is attached to a small plastic port. The port gets attached beneath the skin. Periodically, the surgeon injects saline through the port into the pillows that will tighten and make the opening to the lower portion of your stomach smaller. For example, when I hit a plateau or not losing as much weight as they would like, I will get filled. I'm told it is not painful at all. The band is placed around the stomach empty, so right now, I have nothing but the band restricting my food intake. When I meet with my surgeon, he has a chart hanging on the wall and asks if I'm in the green, yellow or red section. Green means that I'm losing the right amount of weight, I feel full and I'm not getting sick. Yellow means I'm not losing weight, not full at meals and eating too much. Red means I am getting sick, not eating enough food and losing too much. The amount of saline is adjusted to ensure that I remain in the green section. Here is a link about it along with a picture.

So I went on a quick two day trip to the Jersey shore. I think I made all the right choices and had no problems eating out or eating on the go. I packed my snacks and plenty of water. I ate dinner at a buffet and did exactly what the nutritionist told me to do. I walked the entire buffet and checked out all of my options. I took a small amount of salad first. Then, I went back for some food. I did fill my plate with a little bit of a few different types of fish, some ham and some pasta. I couldn't find any steamed vegetables. I didn't really like most of the food, so tastes is all I took. I also had some room for dessert and did the same. I took 3 different types of sugar free cake/cupcakes and really just had bites. I have NEVER left food on my plate before. I felt full, but not stuffed. I felt really good and really proud of myself. Since I eat so little now, I want only great tasting food. I don't mind just tasting food anymore either. It really does satisfy me and I don't need to do it in excess as I have done in the past.

I have had a really rough two weeks emotionally. Last night, I did a bad thing. I went to a drive thru and did not make any right choices. The only thing that saved me was the lap band and the fact that I could only eat about a quarter of the food I bought and I threw the rest of it away. I am so glad that I will be in the office everyday this week and can get back on track. I am leaving for Vegas in 9 days and did not hit my goal in weight loss. I'm a little upset and now scared that I will definitely get filled the week I come back from Vegas. I retain a ridiculous amount of water and it's frustrating. The two days I was away, I walked a ton and sweated a lot. I kept drinking water and when I came home and got on the scale, my weight was up. Vegas will also be a lot of walking and it will be hot so I will be drinking a lot. I don't want to get filled because of water weight. Granted, it's not all water, but a lot of it is. I will be at the gym four nights this week. I have to miss tonight because I will be working late. I have to get back to worrying about myself and doing for myself. I can't let things upset me and revert back to my old ways. It bothers me so much that people close to me in my life have thrown things in my face recently that I have confided in them about my food addiction and it just hurts. It makes me realize that there are just so few people out there I can trust with intimate details of my life and will go back to being guarded and not share all of my struggles and lapses. It's difficult when people don't listen to the full story and takes bit and pieces and then makes up a new version. I feel like it's best to just not even talk anymore. I'm tired of all the storytelling and being attacked for mistakes I've made in my life. I've never claimed to be perfect and am trying really hard to get things back in order. I just feel like everything has come crashing down around me and I'm slowly picking up all the pieces.

Here are this week's results: HW 317, PSW 306.4, SW 284, CW 275.

I know I shouldn't be devastated by the results, however, I really haven't lost anything in the past two weeks. I'm really glad I haven't put on any real weight. I've just spent the past two weeks up and down the same 1-2 pounds. I should be proud that I somewhat have a grasp on things, but I'm not even sure I do.

Rough Day

For some reason, today is hard for me. I just want to eat for no reason. I'm glad I don't have any extra food here at work. I've just been eating my meals, but just want to eat. I haven't been to the gym in about a week and a half and am going back tonight. Part of me really isn't the mood, but I'm hoping that once I'm there and work out, I will snap out of it. I could use a smile and a hug.

Some Things I've Noticed

Since losing weight, I don't really like the weird new fat distribution in my arms and thighs. I know it will go away soon, but they just look strange to me.

Last night, my sister invited me over for game night. It's always fun, but one of her friends brought an array of 'snacks'. It was really, really hard last night. It was a last minute invite for me so I didn't have any of my snacks with me and it was such torture watching everyone eating everything in sight and me just sitting there. I am proud that I did it, but I don't know if I can put myself in that situation again. It's definitely hard being good. Normally, I don't have a problem with that, but when it comes to food, I am out of control.

Speaking of being out of control, since starting this process, every day I realize how completely out of control my life has been. I was fooling myself for a very long time. I cook every night for myself now. I used to very rarely do that. I'm a great cook and it's really not that big of a deal to do it just for me.

I definitely like having things in control now. It branches out to all aspects of my life and slowly, I'm reigning everything thing and before I know it, will have complete control!!

I Worried for Nothing

After waiting over an hour and a half in the surgeon's office, it was decided that he wasn't going to fill me. Why?? Because he is very pleased with my progress so far. Go me!! He said the band is working just fine the way it is and am losing just the right about of weight. He will reevaluate things on October 27.

The veggies, salad and fruit are going well so far. I did eat out at a restaurant last night and had a hard time with the chicken. It was too dry and dipping it in the BBQ is defeating the purpose of eating healthy. I will have to be more observant when I eat chicken out. I should probably choose other meats that I know will be moister. I didn't get sick or anything, but felt it get stuck a little going down my throat. It's kind of funny because wouldn't that have happened even if I didn't have the band?? I don't ever really remember that happening before, unless that's because I always ate chicken with lots of gravy or sauces on it. Makes me think, though.

My Nutritionist

I have the best nutrtitionist!! I always feel so great when I leave our meeting and she said I do the same for her. She was not the least bit concerned about my little bit of weight gain and explained that my weight loss journey will not be a straight line decrease. I will hit plateaus and possibly have some periods of small weight gain, but then continue to lose. She thinks I'm doing a fabulous job and have my head on straight. She said I'm not asking when can I eat such and such, but rather a little nervous about adding new foods to my diet. I'm off restrictions at this point and she suggested I try some pork chops and steak, salad and vegetables and fruit. I also asked about some non perishable snacks while I'm on the go. She suggested high protein bars like South Beach, Pria or Luna. I only found Atkins at my supermarket and bought a few boxes to try. They will especially be good for me after going to the gym during my long ride home. She also said I could have cheese and crackers like my neice and nephews eat. I couldn't eat a whole package, but it will at least tide me over until my next meal and I am getting additional protein. Nut butters and cheese are great options for me, along with some cereals. I honestly can't imagine going back to eating regular food again. I am not having a problem eating any of the foods I have been for the last month and thoroughly enjoy them. I made such a delicious turkey burger for dinner tonight. I can't believe that I never enjoyed food for all these years. I thought I was, but was just shovelling it in just for the sake of eating. Now, I savor every bite. I look forward to eating and am really excited about cooking new meals for myself.

Tomorrow is another big day for me. It is my first fill!! I am really scared about it. I'm really not sure what to expect. I don't know how it will feel. I don't know how the restriction will affect my eating. I really don't want to get sick and have done a good job avoiding it. I don't know how long it will take to fill me 2 ccs. I'm not really a fan of needles, lol. Strange surgery for me to have since a needle is required at least once a month for the first year. Of course the appointment is late in the afternoon so I have to go a whole day of trying not to think about it. Wish me luck!!

Five Weeks Out

I attended my first and probably only, for awhile anyway, support group meeting. I really did not enjoy it as much as other weight loss support meetings I have been to. It was very unorganized and I did not feel that the 'professionals' actually knew what they were doing. They have these meetings once a month. It should be easy. They couldn't remember the name of bariatric brand food, among other things. The worst part of it was that it felt like people were competing. I never felt that way in other weight loss groups, but this meeting contained four types of people...those considering surgery, those who had lap band surgery, those who had gastric sleeve surgery and those who had gastric bypass surgey. Results all seemed wonderful, but I felt a little discouraged because lap band weight loss is a lot slower than the other surgeries. I talked to two other women that had lap band surgery and compared stories.

The gym felt so wonderful this week!! I do ten minutes warm up on the elliptical trainer and about 35-40 minutes doing weighted circuit training. My stamina has been great. I did a ton of walking this weekend also. I still get tired and seem to sweat more than I used to, but I feel great doing it and keep pushing myself.

My stomach, actually the area where the port is, hurts a little on occassion. Nothing really painful, just a little. I also can't bend down for an extended period of time yet. The incisions have really healed nicely. I almost can't believe it's been 5 weeks!!

This is the first time in my life that I feel like I have my eating under control. I am not tempted to eat the foods that I should not and I am definitely not tempted to eat more than I should. I wish I could have done this without going to drastic measures, but it is working and I am so happy. It feels good to finally have control over this aspect of my life.

Update: HW 317, PSW 306.4, SW 284, CW 274.2!!

Another Lesson Learned

Over the past few days, I have learned how important it is for me to stay calm and not stressed out. I really had hoped after surgery, I would change how I react to things, but the past few days have proven otherwise. I still jump to defend myself and beliefs and get too animated (the Italian and German mix is to blame on this) and worked up for my own good. I have learned that since having the lap band installed, I feel it if I get myself too upset or laugh too hard. I am scared that it will slip. I don't think it's that easy for it slip, but I really don't want to find out. I prefer no more surgeries, if I can help it. Clearly, everything in excess in my life just has to go. Plain and simple. Deep, deep breaths.

4 Weeks

I can't believe it's been 4 weeks since my surgery. This weekend has been very eventful. Friday night, I decided I wanted to eat dinner out for the first time in over a month. It was sort of spur of the moment. Anthony and I went to TGIFriday's. We don't normally eat at a lot of chain restaurants and their new menu was a huge eye opener for me. I realize now why I've gained so much weight eating out. What I thought was healthy, was not usually. Now that menus have calories listed for each meal, it was very difficult for me to choose something to eat. I also had thought that they had a Weight Watchers section, but that is no more. I ended up choosing parmesan-crusted chicken with cheese tortellini in spinach alfredo sauce and tomatoes and fresh mozzarella. It was just under 900 calories and was a 'right portion' option. It happened to be one of the few meals lowest in calories. It was the perfect amount of food for me since I don't eat the fresh mozzarella and tomatoes. The chicken went down fine and so did the pasta. I will definitely be more mindful when I choose to eat out now.

Saturday night we went out to the movies and I'm still nervous about having popcorn, so I brought an individual size bag of M&Ms with me. I didn't finish the whole bag and ate one at a time, letting them melt in my mouth. It was a yummy treat and not terrible, if done every once in a while.

Sunday, I decided that I REALLY missed having pizza. Aside from having the diet pizza after the Renassaince Faire back in the beginning of August, I haven't had PIZZA since before July 6. Since we are still so confused about the 'rules' between all the conflicting information we have received, Anthony decided to go to the old Web and look it up himself. He found on several websites that I am behind in some areas and ahead in others. I started the ground meat earlier, but still hadn't had any sharp foods like crackers, toast, etc. That should have all started last week. So, we decided I should be OK having a slice of pizza. No, I did not want to microwave it and make it softer for me. If I'm going to have pizza, I want pizza. If I couldn't have it that way, I would wait until I could. For dinner, we ventured to a great neighborhood pizza place down the road from my house. I ordered one slice of heaven, aka sicilian and Anthony ordered some chicken fingers in addition to his dinner. I had a finger and half for some protein, even though they were fried. All went down fine. I ate small bites and slowly. Now, for the pizza test. It just looked and smelled so good. I cut pieces, probably a little bigger then I should have, but the first bite was just amazing. Yes, I moaned as I ate. I got through about 3/4 of it and did not eat any crust. I started feeling it slip through the band, which is a really weird feeling. It's almost like a suction feeling, but not as strong. I decided this was probably my cue to stop and I was completely satisfied. If I could have a slice of pizza every other week for the rest of my life or even once every week, I would be very happy.

During Anthony's research, he also discovered that I was able to go in the hot tub so, after dinner, it was a dip in the hot tub for us. It felt wonderful!!

Monday night was my first night back at the gym. I was going to take it easy and see how I felt. I started on the elliptical trainer (my favorite workout machine). I was going to do it for 10 minutes, but it was tiring, so I lasted only 5. I still felt that was a good accomplishment and it really is only meant as a warm up. Next came the circuit training. I lasted a half hour using the same amount of weight I had ended with. I tried it easier and it just didn't feel good, so I kept increasing it. I felt so great afterwards. I'm so glad I'm back at the gym, only to repeat it at least 2 more times this week. I may have fallen asleep at 9:30 after the gym, but so what.

So, here are the new numbers. Check this out!!! HW 317, PSW 306.4, SW 284 CW 277.2

I guess eliminating the egg/banana was the way to go for me. I'm back on the losing side!! I still find this whole losing weight thing to be confusing because now I ate out twice this past weekend AND lost weight, when all along I've been eating healthy and choosing the right foods and gaining weight. UGH!!! So confusing, but taking things day by day.

What Exactly Do I Eat Everyday??

Last night, Anthony made us a really yummy dinner. I healthified a recipe Anthony fell in love with on Rachel Ray over a year ago. It's an adult version of mac and cheese. There is spinach and broccoli in it. We skipped the broccoli this time around because I'm not supposed to have it yet and I added some grilled chicken to mine. This was the first time I was eating chicken breast and it was a complete success!! The spinach wasn't a problem either. We went on a nice 40 minute stroll through his neighborhood after dinner and stopped for sugar free ices on the way back. Believe it or not, the 40 minute walk was a breeze for me. I was a little tired when we got back, but felt really great! I love nights like that!!

I made an appointment for tonight to meet the owner of a new gym I want to join. I got a special sign up offer in my email yesterday and decided to not wait the extra week and go for it. I don't intend to work out tonight, just fill out all the paperwork, get measured and weighed, etc. I will begin Monday and I am really looking forward to it.

I'm not sure I ever wrote about what I eat on a daily basis, so here it goes:
Breakfast 1 hard boiled egg
Snack Banana
Lunch 4-6 oz. Baby food or macaroni salad made with lite french dressing, fat free mayo and lots of tuna
Snack 4 oz. Plain yogurt mixed with sugar free/fat free chocolate pudding to make it taste yummy or unsweetened applesauce
Dinner 4-6 oz. total Tofu pasta, lil bit of sauce & ground turkey, baby food, macaroni salad or 4 oz. burger with a slice of fat free cheese on a wheat slider bun
Snack 4 oz. pudding or sugar free ice pop

The above has pretty much been my diet for the past two weeks, while drinking lots of water. Occassionally, I will throw in some diet Iced Tea.

This week, I have substituted the egg for a bowl of Farina and the banana for a sugar free Carnation instant breakfast shake made with skim milk plus. We'll see if that makes a different in my weight loss. I have a feeling it might and shame on me for not making that change sooner.

Talking to Me

Yes, I have had bariatric surgery and don't mind talking about my experience, frustrations and successes. I do, however, mind talking about weight loss, healthy eating, right choices, etc. CONSTANTLY with certain people. Clearly, I have a problem with food and don't really want everything I do focusing around it, if I can help it. I do not want to discuss these things at every meal. I do have other things in my life to talk about. I know what I have to do, I have taken the right steps, I have sought professional help. Move on!!

Struggling

The past four or five days have proven to be quite a challenge for me. I'm not really sure why. Since getting my appetite back and 'eating food' again, I have had the tendencies to go back to some of my old ways. The problem with that is that I could never binge again. I don't want to, but I'm having trouble steering my thoughts away from eating. I do so well during the day, but then I get home and want to just eat. I make myself a yummy dinner and have been keeping somewhat of a rotation of foods so I don't get bored. Maybe it's because I haven't been losing the past couple of weeks and subconsciously sabotaging myself as I have done so many times in the past when I hit a bump in the road. I need to get over this and fast!! I do not understand why I have not been losing, except maybe due to lack of activity. Again, I am hardly taking in any calories so my normal routine should automatically counteract any intake of calories. I am going to Anthony's house after work tonight (something I rarely do) and he will be cooking a yummy dinner for us and then I want to go for a short walk, 20-30 minutes. I am hoping that this will get me back in the swing of things. I also think that I will start the gym next week since I'm feeling so good. I will not overdo it, but I have to do something!!

As I write about my frustrations, I am glad that I recognize them and willing to take the bull by the horns before things get out of control as they have in the past. Deep breaths. This will work for me and change my life forever in such a positive way.

Weekly Update

We are now 3 weeks from my surgery and I'm feeling great!! No pain at all, but still feeling a little run down doing activities that I used to do with no problem. I keep testing myself every week. Tonight, I will attempt to straighten up my bedroom, which has become the dump all. I will be bending, moving boxes and sorting through stuff. I will be careful not to over do it though.

I really miss eating out at restaurants. I realize now I used to spend a lot of unnecessary money eating out. Anthony and I have saved a fortune over the past month. I feel like I've been antsy lately because of all of my restrictions, but so scared about eating something that will damage my sensitive stomach. I tried some ground beef last night and had no problems.

Since losing so much weight, I have been to the movies and a Mets game. I must admit that I am so much more comfortable in my seat. The small things in life...

HW 317, PSW 306.4, SW 284, CW 280.6

As you may have noticed, since surgery, my weight is slowly creeping back up to SW. I think it is due to water retention, my body adjusting to eating some food again and lack of activity. I haven't really been doing walking on a regular basis, like I should be. I get out on the weekends and make sure I do it, but during the week, I'm just not up for it. That is why I will be doing house work this week. I just can't imagine doing such little activity as to not be burning more then 500-600 calories a day, because that is all I am taking in right now. I know, that puts my body in starvation mode. I meet with my nutritionist again on the 28th so I will get more help from her since I will be off restrictions then. I really look forward to going back to the gym too.

Chicken Burgers

I tried chicken burgers for dinner last night. I had one patty split in half on wheat slider buns with a slice of fat free cheese. I just didn't feel right after eating it. It could have been a combination of eating too fast, too much and eating chicken for the first time. Oh well. I'll try it again next week. This weekend, I think I will make some tilapia as a change. I should be fine eating that.

So far, so good. :)

Do I Really Look That Different??

So I have had several people tell me how different I look now that I dropped some weight. I don't agree but maybe it's because I've seen myself at this weight before. I have lost a lot of weight in my face and butt. I still see myself kind of the same way. In a couple of weeks, I will take another picture and let you be the judge.

First Follow Up with Surgeon

Alls good with my recovery. The incisions are really healing nicely and the redness around them is just caused by the tape, we learned last night. I'm eating all the foods he mentioned and will get my first adjustment in 3 weeks. He said that it won't really affect me. It takes about 3 or 4 adjustments for things to really start working the way they are supposed to. I have full clearance on food and exercise in 3 weeks. I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I really miss the gym. It will be good for me to get back there. My stamina is way down right now. In the waiting room, we met one of my surgery buddies. She was lucky because she only had to go back to work for the first time since surgery yesterday. It sounded like she had a really rough time the first week, but doing better now. I thought it looked like she lost a lot of weight since the surgery, but hadn't asked. It was good to find out that she was just as confused as I am and kept getting conflicting instructions. It seems that some people believe there are things I should NEVER eat or drink ever again, but according to my surgeon yesterday, there is nothing like that. Moderation is key and if I sipped from a straw one day or had some soda, it wouldn't kill me. I felt better after hearing this because I have become a little crazy with what exactly I can and can't have. I feel I will always be strict with myself, but will also give myself some leeway when going to parties or out to dinner. It's good to know that I can eat pretty much whatever I want at some point and be 'normal' eventually. The surgeon also explained how he does not have the secret to life and the lap band is not a miracle worker. I have to be the one to change my habits and want to succeed. It is expected that I will hit plateaus and then will get tightened, lose weight, hit a plateau and get tightened, etc. I am fine with that. I will continue with my nutritionist possibly attend some of the support groups. So far, I am happy with everything and working VERY hard to get myself healthy. It's nice to finally see some results. It really does keep me going, regardless of the stupid things that have been said to me so far.

2 Weeks Since Surgery

Every day was easier for me at work as the week passed. Sitting for long periods of time is uncomfortable so I try to walk around as much as possible. Sunday, I went to the park to walk a bit and did well, but it wiped me out. I have no pain or soreness on the outside, but Anthony and I saw a funny movie Saturday night and I laughed a little too hard and now my insides hurt a little bit. I really am not completely healed even though it feels like I am. I have to take it easy.

I have to address how annoying it is that certain people are treating me completely different since the surgery and losing weight. I just lost a little weight, that's it. I'm still the same person. I HATE fake people. Don't be all nicey nice to me because I've lost a little bit of weight when you were so mean to me before the surgery. One of the reasons I didn't want to spread the word about my surgery. Seriously, what is wrong with people??? Why are there so many shallow people in this world? I did not have this surgery so that I could look better in clothes or not be embarrassing to be around because of my weight. My main motivation was to be healthy. I was tired of huffing and puffing doing basic chores, walking up steps or playing with the kids.

Per my nutritionist, I started eating some ground turkey. I make my tofu linguine, some sauce and ground turkey. So delicious!! I'm doing great keeping all my foods down. No problems at all. I am just barely getting an appetite back.

I can feel the port and the band. It's a little weird, but kind of cool. I'm healing really well. The surgeon did a great job sewing me up. The incision area just gets a little itchy sometimes.

Labor Day was difficult. I figured there would be hamburgers, hot dogs, chicken, etc. being served. No big deal. I planned ahead and brought my own food. There was some chicken and honey baked ham (one of my favorites), not to mention some yummy sides. For snack, various chips were put out. I didn't realize this would be so difficult for me to ignore, but apparently they are trigger foods for me. I would never dare take a chip because I am scared about it ripping up my still fragile stomach. The last meal of the day was my absolute favorite bagel sandwich. Really?!?!?! Bagels are way too hard for me to digest now as well. What a hard, hard day. I did make it through with no casualties, but wow. I never thought I would have that problem. I know everyone shouldn't be punished for my decision to have surgery but a little courtesy would be appreciated. I definitely learned that for awhile now I must be VERY careful when choosing to eat out or going to functions. Everything socially revolves around food. What a culture we live in!!

I see my surgeon tomorrow. I'm sure he just wants to check the incisions again. Should be a quick visit.

My results: HW(My highest weight when I decided to start the process) 317, PSW 306.4, SW 284, CW 279.4.

Thank you!!

I would like to thank my family members that came to visit me while recovering and for all of the thoughtful gifts. I have to admit that I do have a favorite...it came from my cousins. They sent me a gift card to a store I have never been able to shop in before and am so incredibly excited to be able to go in a few months and pick out whatever I want!

I have to give a special thank you to Anthony who has been by my side every single step of this process. He went to most of the doctor's appointments with me, sat through surgery and stayed with me the entire week being my man slave. :) He has done such an incredible job and has handled things so much better then I imagined he would. He has supported me and is trying to get healthier himself. Two is always better than one. I love you too much, Anthony!!

Monday

Back to work for me, much against Anthony's desire. Unfortunately, I just didn't have the time from work and I was feeling better, but just sore now. I think I overdid things a little bit yesterday. I'm doing OK sitting at my desk, but it hurts a little. I'm surprised that I'm lasting this long, but only about 3 hours left!! I'm doing the bare minimum and just catching up on stuff now. I've decided also not to let the stress from this job or anything else in my life affect me anymore. I just can't. I've made an important decision to get healthy and I'm not letting anyone get in my way. OHHHHH!!!! The most important thing. Weigh in Day!! So, I've decided to make it easy to follow my progress. I will be using the following abbreviations throughout my journey...PSW(Presurgery weight, when I started Medifast), SW(Surgery weight) and CW (Current weight). So, here we go.... PSW 306.4, SW 284, CW 277.2. Go me!!! Follow up appointment with my nutritionist and surgeon's partner is tomorrow morning.

Some Miscellaneous Stuff

I have had absolutely no appetite since before the surgery. It's a pretty good thing, since before, I used to crave food constantly. However, now I force myself to make sure I get in the meals I'm supposed to. From what I understand, the feeling will return in about 6-8 weeks.

My throat was a little sore after surgery because they must put a breathing tube down your throat during the procedure. It really only hurt through the first night. They give you this little swab type thing with a half cup of water to soothe it. Eh, it works OK.

I have a little bit of swelling on my right side. I believe that's where the port is. It makes my stomach look a little deformed, but that should disappear soon.

I took my first shower on Saturday and it felt AMAZING!!! No problems. I was able to get in and out of the tub and wash up by myself.

Coughing and yawning hurt my lungs a little bit. My lower right lung is all better now (Monday). My lower left lung still bothers me a little, but getting better. I haven't been so good with my breathing exercises, but I've been walking better and not getting so out of breath.

Sunday

Friends of ours invited us to a BBQ today. I made some egg salad and brought a cup of applesauce to eat. I lasted about 2 hours. Sitting hurts and there aren't really too many positions I can be in. I came home and started preparing some food to take with me to work. I HATE plain yogurt, but a girl at work taught a little trick...add about a tablespoon of vanilla and a packet and a half of chocolate fudge fat free/sugar free pudding. Yum!! I also made some butterscotch pudding with skim plus, since I need to make sure I get the protein I require. It was a long day and I was exhausted, but I think I didn't pretty good, considering.

Saturday

Since my life is always filled with challenges, I had one more thrown my way Saturday....my monthly visitor. This was the first time I started feeling a little dizzy and wobbly in my legs when I stood up. Anthony finally gave in and allowed me start small on my mushy food phase. I had a cup of applesauce. All good. A few hours later, I had a hard boiled egg. Again, no problems and I was feeling much better. We originally going to venture out to the movies, but decided to take it easy, considering how the afternoon had gone.

Friday

I was determined to be able to sit at the table today and I did, with no pain for over half an hour. It's amazing how much your body heals everyday. I can now walk around without holding my stomach. Anthony helped me take the one bandage off my largest incision. We were both a little nervous to see what was underneath, but it was fine and looked just like the others that hadn't been covered with cotton. Still eating jello and apple juice.

Thursday

I decided to sleep on a different recliner (my couch has 3) Wednesday night and it was much easier for me to get up and down by myself. I try challenging myself a little more everyday. I decided I wanted to sit up straight since I've always been on a recline. That didn't go so well. It didn't even last five minutes before I couldn't take the pain anymore. I don't see how I'm ever going to last a full day at work if I can't sit in a chair for five minutes. Anthony's mom and her boyfriend came over to visit and then they left to go crabbing at the pier down the road from my house. Anthony and I wanted to join them later. We had to stop off at the supermarket for more bait on the way down. It was my first venture out and I walked around the store with Anthony and did pretty good. Then we went down to the pier. I brough one of my folding reclining chairs to sit on. It was a perfect night. The weather was so beautiful. We walked about half the pier and back. I did good, but got out of breath very easily. I have to do a sucking and breathing technique into this machine the hospital gave me ten times every hour. I've been getting better and better everday, but it's hard. Now, just my lower left lung hurts a little bit when I do it.

Wednesday

The morning was a little rough getting up, but Anthony helped. My sister and her kids stopped over for a little visit. They were nervous seeing me, but I showed them my 'boo-boos' and they felt much better. Speaking of which, I have 4 small incisions which are about a half an inch long and one incision that is probably about an inch or so long. Tape and stitches still cover them and will eventually dissolve on their own. They brought my pug back, whom you saw in the last two pictures. Anthony was very nervous about having her back because naturally her favorite place to lay is on my stomach. She's been so wonderful and sleeps by my feet, along with one of my cats, who also loves to do mushy mushy on my belly. Animals just know when something is not right. They are amazing and so comforting. My nephew asked if I could walk and I said of course, I can. I got up and started walking around the room. He said, go faster. I said that I am going fast. I really was quite impressed with how much better I was walking. He said I should run, that would be fast. Clearly, that was not going to happen. Then my neice and nephew wanted to know if I could walk up and down the steps by myself. I said of course. So we all walked over to the three steps that lead into my living room and walked up and back down them. I think they were satisfied then that their Aunt Stine was OK. I spent the day relaxing, walking around the house, eating jello and drinking water and apple juice. Really, an uneventful day. Anthony and I have been watching a lot of TV and talking.

2nd and Final Day in the Hospital

At 7:30 am, I was rolled down to radiology for an X-ray and an esophagram. It was quite painful for me to have to shimmy my body from the stretcher to the X-ray table. I moved my hips and by shoulders back and forth until I was on the table, but it hurt. Little did I know, THAT would not be the worst part of this test. The X-ray was no big deal and is down in the rare instance that my surgeon feels the band has slipped. He can take a current X-ray and compare it to the one taken right after surgery to see if that is indeed the problem. Now, on to the bad part...the esophagram. It was really cool to watch, but a terrible test to go through. They make you drink this clear liquid which isn't as horrible as they say, but far from delicious through a straw (which I'm never to do because it bloats the stomach). As you drink the liquid it shows up black on the screen. Liquids immediately go down your esophagus to your stomach and through you small intestine. It was cool seeing it funnel through the lapband, so I know that is working properly. Here was my problem. Apparently, I digest things a little slower then most people. We saw the liquid go down my esophagus and fill my stomach, but that's where it stopped. The doctor left and said he would be back. A few minutes later he came back, but the liquid was still stuck in my stomach, so he left again. The technician said I should drink more because it would have pass better, but I felt I was already passed my limit. I know that it's important to make sure my body is functioning properly, but there has to be a limit too. So, the technician said she would need to rock my body back and forth to help the liquid pass. Back and forth I went. About five minutes later, the doctor comes back and success!! Everything is working well and he is happy with the results. I'm wheeled back up my room afer being down there for about 3 hours and they want me to drink 4 ounces of water and cranberry juice total before they will release me. This is the first time I will have anything in my system since Sunday night. I get 2 ounces down but not feeling that great anymore. They are still ready to release me soon. Anthony comes and says I don't look as good as I did yesterday. I tell the nurse I'm not feeling well and she suggests I walk a little and try to go to the bathroom. I walk and I'm ok. I go to the bathroom and I'm ok. I wash my hands and just lean on the sink because something just doesn't feel right and then I get sick. The nurse says this is completely normal and I'm doing great. I go bad to bed and fall asleep for a bit, get a brief education on the coming week and then decided to get dressed and see how I'm feeling. Still not 100%, but better. We finally leave the hospital around 3:00 and stop by my parent's house so the kids can give me some balloons they made and flowers they picked out for me. After all that horrible medicine was out of my system, I started feeling much better. I still needed help getting up from the couch and walked around holding my stomach, but I started drinking water and was not having any problems with keeping it down.

Surgery Day

As soon as I got to the hospital, I was given a gown, socks and a robe to change into. It was still 2 hours before surgery so thought I could hang out with Anthony for a little bit, but I was wrong. They told me I had to go to the holding room. I gave Anthony a kiss, a hug and told him I loved him and was escorted to the holding room. I was put a gurney and had to lay there for a least an hour. This was going to one long hour. About 15 people came over and asked the same questions over and over and told me how they would be involved with my surgery. Anthony was smart and asked if he could come see me and they showed me where I was. I was happy to see him again. I was in really good spirits, but was worried without any distractions where my thoughts would lead me. They eventually wheel me into the operating room, where about 8 people are standing around. I move over to the operating table and they immediately strap my thighs down. They then took my left arm with the IV in it and strapped that down. They put an oxygen mask over my mouth and said to breathe in three or four times. I might have breathed about eight times and that was the last I remembered. I woke up in the OR less then 2 hours later and wheeled into recovery. I was so lucky. I had my own private suite with a TV. Anthony was in my room about 2 minutes I got there. I think we were both relieved to see each other. It did take a few hours for me to completely come out of it, but it happened quickly. I was a little uncomfortable lying in bed, but the worst part was getting in and out of bed. It is good to walk around to prevent blod clots. I never got more than an hour or an hour and a half of sleep at a time because nurses or doctors were constantly coming in. All in all, not a bad day.

So my BMI ended up being 50.3 on surgery day. Also, here are two pictures of me that morning before we left.

I made it!!

I am now home from surgery, which was a complete success!! I will update over the next few days when I'm feeling a little better. Just really need sleep now.

Today is the Day!!

The official weigh in this morning is 284 pounds!!! I lost another 9.2 pounds last week. Not surprised since all I 'ate' was water, jello and broth. I lost a total of 21.8 pounds since I started keeping tracking, but probably a lot more in total. Going to shower since I don't know when I will be able to again and then we are off to the hospital. Anthony will be driving me to and from the hospital, staying there and then staying at my house for the next week. Yay me!! Wish me luck and say your prayers. I will report back tomorrow night with all the details.

Tomorrow is my big day!!

First, let me start off by saying that yesterday's funeral was by far the hardest funeral I've ever been at. You know everyone is bound to shed a tear when the priest, who is your age, is crying throughout the service. I was very proud how well Anthony did.

The water, jello, broth diet SUCKS!!!! It really has not been agreeing with my stomach (which means it's probably doing it's job) and it leaves me zapped of energy. One more week to go on it and then to yummy baby food. I went food shopping today which was not as tortuous as I thought it would be. There are hardly any meat baby foods. I got some turkey, chicken and beef. Yum, lol. Four ounces of food is not a lot, no matter what shape or form it takes on. It was awkward for me shopping for baby food, but probably not as awkward as the two women felt that asked 'how old my little one was'. I had to explaing I was having surgery and this is what I'm required to eat. On a positive note, I bought more then a month's worth of food and it cost $100!!! Yay for my new way of life!! Screw you RKLL, I don't need no raise.

Been feeling really good about the surgery today. I'm excited and thinking lots of positive thoughts. I lit a candle yesterday in Church. One thing I keep getting reminded of is something one of my friends said to me last week. She said that I shouldn't worry because if all the doctors I went to didn't think I was healthy enough to have the surgery, they would not have approved it. She's right. The weight has been falling off my body this past week, but I will keep you in suspense for my update tomorrow morning before surgery. Someone I haven't seen for 2 months was shocked about how much weight I've lost. My own boyfriend didn't recognize me standing near the Church. I did lose another 5 pounds since he last saw me on Tuesday, but seriously?!?!? I don't see it in the mirror yet, but have definitely noticed it other places.

My first surprise of the journey

The nurse practitioner calls me a little while ago and says, "You are doing just water, jello and broth until surgery, right??" I said, OMG, no one ever told me that and her response was, "I just did." Wow, my last meal for a week and a half may have been a little different last night had I known that. Oh well. Shopping begins a little early now. A week and a half on water, jello and broth. Wow. Should be a fun week and a half, lol. Yes, I said week and a half quite a few times because it's a long time, not in reality, but when you can't eat whole foods OR anything else, it should feel like an eternity. Of course, the plus side is that I will lose a ton more weight. Woohoo!!!

A few thoughts...

First, I emailed my nutritionist yesterday because I am confused about the types of food, how much, etc. I'm supposed to be eating during the first two phases. Here are three sentences from her email and you tell me if I should not still be confused!! "For example, Phase 1 is Clear Liquids. You can drink 100% apple/grape/cranberry juice only during this phase or have some tea, broth, diet jello, Italian ice, etc. The choice is yours as long as you do not eat solid food or drink beverages which are not clear." Since when is cranberry juice a clear liquid!!! I did make an appointment to see her when I see the surgeon the week after surgery. I guess I'm just going to do the best I can. I want to make sure I don't get sick, but am still getting everything I am supposed to be.

Second, I did pre-op this morning. I had to have an EKG, blood taken, urine tested, questions answered and chest X-ray. I did start to get a little upset while waiting on the various people helping me. This is really real and it's really happening next week. I think I am more then nervous. I'm scared. Not scared enough to not go through with it, but scared. I will have a breathing tube down my throat during surgery. Everyone is just so casual about it. I know this is their job and it's second nature to them AND it's not them going through it, but I think it almost makes it worse because it's a major surgery and it's very serious. All the doctors and surgeons know each other, which is comforting because it's not their first rodeo, but still....

Lastly, Anthony found out late last night that one of his friends passed away. He just had surgery on Friday from a broken ankle and torn ligments from three weeks prior. He was home, sitting in his chair and had a heart attack. He was 35 years old. I went in the bathroom a short time after Anthony told me and cried, both for the loss of Joe and for the increase in my anxiety about my own surgery. Many factors are different between him and I...obvious different type of surgery and smoked two packs a day, but he was also on the heavy side. I don't want to discuss this with Anthony because he is dealing with enough right now and he was already nervous about my surgery as it was, but now, I'm even more nervous. An autopsy is supposed to be performed today to see what exactly caused his heart attack. Nonetheless, it is still a shock and very sad. It's clearer everyday why smoking and being so overweight is dangerous. I am glad that I have made the decision to handle my problem and increase my health. As one of my friends has been telling me for the past week, positive thoughts. I have been praying a lot and intend to go to Church to light a candle for both Joe and his family and for my health. It's been a rough 12 hours, to say the least.

Another lesson learned...

The past two weeks, as you know, I have been struggling with Medifast. On the weekends and during the week, I wouldn't eat all 5 of my Medifast meals. Yesterday was the first day in about 2 weeks that I did AND I lost a pound. Why am I so stubborn?? As it is, I'm probably only having about 900 calories a day. Why keep depriving myself?? The 5 and 1 plan is set up a certain way for a reason and you have to follow it exactly. I might as well get used to eating six times a day now because that's how I will be living the rest of my life, like that's a terrible thing.

One week from now...

my surgery will have been completed. I started freaking out a little on the way to work this morning and keep obsessing about the foods I can and can't have after surgery. I keep going over my shopping list for the weekend. I don't want to get sick, but I want to make sure I am eating and drinking enough. It just all seems so confusing all of a sudden. Last night, I was concerned that my liver may not have shrunk enough prior to surgery because I have cheated a little from time to time. I hope that I am worrying for no reason and will do my best to stick to Medifast this last week. I am really stressed at work and have a lot of pressure trying to finish up certain responsibilities before my surgery. I certainly realize since starting this adventure that I do have a serious problem with food. I've gotten much better, but I think it will always be a problem for me. As I've been told before, a food addiction is the hardest addiction to have for two reasons.....first, as soon as you walk into a room, everyone that sees you knows what your problem is. Lastly, you need food to survive. You can't just stop eating. Deep breaths....

One week and counting.....

This past week or two have been really tough. I have been up and down a few pounds, but currently back down to my lowest at 293.2. Yes, I did cheat a little, but for the most part, I behaved myself. Just getting tired of these shakes. I'm so glad it's almost over and can eat food again, at least for more then one meal.

Tonight, I tried tofu spaghetti for the first time. I was VERY skeptical about it. I have never had tofu before and in general, has been a turn off for me. I also thought it looked gross and had no taste. Well, tonight I am a lover!! I did not appreciate tofu for what it was. A client was telling me about the spaghetti and bought me a bag. I figured, heck, let me give it a try. I browned some chopped turkey and made some tomato sauce and threw in the spaghetti. YUM!!!! Can't wait to have more of it tomorrow. I also made a little bit for my mom to try since she always watches her weight. It is so incredibly low in calories and carbs and a definite for when I'm on the mushy food phase.

OK, now on to some sugergy updates. Tomorrow night I visit my general physician for a medical clearance and Wednesday is Pre-Op. No special rules like fasting or anything and I should learn more about what to expect the day of surgery, which is one week from tomorrow. The past week, I have been very emotional concerning the surgery, which possibly is the reason I went on a minor binge one night. I have chosen to share my decision to have lap band surgery with very few people I personally know. Kind of funny I'm doing this blog for the world to see, but the internet offers much privacy even though I completely expose myself. I have had mixed feelings, not so much about the procedure itself, but how people will react to me after it's done and whether I did the right thing by keeping it private for now. I do have moments that I freak out about the surgery, but stay calm for Anthony. He is very nervous about the surgery. I am lucky enough to have him with me throughout this whole process and the week after surgery as I am recovering at home. I am getting very excited about starting my life over. I can't believe in one week, my life will change forever!! Not too much pressure there. I just keep taking deep breaths and thinking about how much this will improve my enjoyment of life.

Tired

So, I am officially getting sick of Medifast. It's been about 6 weeks now and I'm tired of only having one meal per day. I'm tired of all the shakes. I mix things up and try to make them as different as possible, but damn it, I just want to eat again!!! Sad thing is, I still have about a month before I can eat some food on a regular basis and about 2 months before I'm on solid foods all the time. Wow, what a long adventure this is turning into. I know it's for my health and I know I have to do it, but today, I am tired of it. Let's be honest...I love food and I love to eat. I miss it. I'm tired of sitting at a table with other people eating yummy food and I'm sitting there sipping on my shake trying to ignore the delicious smells blowing my way. For the most part, I have been incredibly successful, but it's so incredibly difficult and I'm feeling weak today.

Some weight loss progess

This morning I weighed in at 293.2 so that means I am down 13 pounds since starting Medifast. A few people have started to notice. I'm not sure I necessarily see anything in myself yet, but I have started to feel it in some of my clothes and most notably when I put my seatbelt on. Three more weeks!!!

The Last Stretch

I was given a little quiz today at the surgeon's office and got 100 on it!! The two people prior to me that took it passed, but did not do as well as I did. I really did a lot of research on this surgery. I wanted to make sure I was as informed as I could be. I also had to sign the consent form. Boy, there were 3 pages of everything that could go wrong. A little scary, but the surgeon went over it with me and the data from his departement and made me feel a lot better. They were very happy with my 13 lb weight loss since the last time I was there. They want me to continue on Medifast until the surgery. He only does 3 surgeries a day so that he can be more personal with his patients. Love that!! From beginning to end, I will be in the operating room for 2 hours and then moved to recovery. I will have to make sure to walk around as to not get any blood clots. The next morning, I will have an x-ray taken and then be released that afternoon. A lot of insurance companies want to treat this as ambulatory, but I'm glad my surgeon does not. I feel more comfortable after a surgery like this, being observed for 24 hours before being sent home. I will have to see him again a week after my surgery and then every month after that for the first year. During the second year, I only have to go every 3 months and then after that, just twice a year. Not bad. He also said he wants to get me to the point where I can eat between a half and full sandwich a meal. I was surprised I could eat that much. I don't think this is going to be that bad after all.

I have to admit, since being on Medifast, I have enjoyed not being hungry all the time and not feeling stuffed every time I eat. This has been a great experience for me so far. I am really tired lately, but the surgeon said that will go away.

For no reason

I have realized a lot about my eating habits during this short process with Medifast. I have learned that I love to eat and want to eat all the time, whether I am hungry or not. I have realized that I think about food all of the time. It's taken such extreme will power to stop all my old bad habits. No more drive thrus or runs to 7-11. I eat what's in my house, which is basically just Medifast food for now. Over time, I think these thoughts will wane, but for now, it's tough. As always, if I don't start eating something, I'm fine. I am not tempted and don't ask if I want something. I did great on vacation, even though I cheated a little. I was shocked to see when I came home and weighed myself that I was 3 pounds heavier, but the next morning, I was right back down to my weight pre-vacation. I believe it was all water weight because of all the water I drank due to the extreme heat. Today, I am finally past that 10.2 lb. mark. Friday is my last appointment with my surgeon before my actual surgery. Excited!!

It's Official!!!

August 23 is my surgery date!! I am back into the swing of things with my meals and have packed everything necessary to bring with me this weekend on our little trip to the Jersey shore. I expect to lose a couple of pounds.

I can't stop smiling. :)

Tentative!!

I just got the call!!! I have been approved for my surgery and the tentative date is August 23. The surgeon still needs to review my file, duscuss my case and approve the date, but I'm praying it sticks. I'm so ready!!!

The Same

I did my first weekend of cheating. On Friday, at the Dave Matthews Band concert, I tried my first half of a fried green tomato. It was delicious!! We know the chef. I also didn't do so well eating all the Medifast meals on Saturday and Sunday. It also ended up being that time of month for me, which ended up being the culprit for the weight gain and pure exhaustion earlier in the week. Considering all of this, I weighed myself this morning and weighed in at 296.2 lbs., which was the same as last week. I don't think I should complain or be that dissapointed in myself. I should have stuck to the diet and made sure I ate everything I was supposed to. This coming weekend will be an additional challenge because we are going on a small weekend get away. I'll be able to stick to it for the most part and may stray a little at my meals, but will still make the right choices!! Less then two weeks until I see my surgeon again.

Ugh!!

I know I'm not supposed to weigh myself everyday, but I have been since I started on Medifast. I went to the gym this week, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. Since then, I have gained back two pounds!!! The story of my life. I know I shouldn't be upset, but how could I not be?? Aren't I doing everything that I'm supposed to?? This is why the surgery is necessary. I can't take this anymore!!! I don't want to hear that I turned my fat to muscle because that's not going to help me when I see my surgeon in 2 weeks. Well, if I go back to losing weight the rest of the week because I'm not able to go to the gym, I will have to stop all gym activity (for the last week it's open, at least) until after surgery.

I want to cry!!

Pictures

I keep staring at the profile picture I decided to post as it sits next to the picture I posted at the beginning of my weight loss journey. My profile picture was taken on 2/17/08, my first annversary with my boyfriend. Yes, I have gained quite a bit of weight since then, more then I realized until recently, but I also do know how to take a great picture of myself, lol. Maybe that's why I keep trying to fool myself that I'm 'not that heavy' until I see a picture that someone else has taken of me and I realize that my perception of myself is way off.

Finally, a picture!!

I know, it's about a week late, but here's the picture I promised. It's me, at weight 306.4 lbs.

Out of the 300s!!!

Saturday was not as bad as I had expected. I did great!! No cheating!! People actually commented that they can't believe how I'm constantly eating. Well, I have to fit a total of six meals into my day.

Sunday was actual a little tough. I didn't leave me house except for a little food shopping so that I could make a yummy taco salad for dinner. There was no structure and I actually only had 3 of my Medifast meals. I have to be a little better when I'm at home on the weekends.

Today is my first official weigh in since starting Medifast, which was six days ago. I weighed 296.2 this morning!! That means I am down 10 lbs 2 oz.

I feel so great this morning. The seat belt fits better and I actually noticed some extra room in a shirt I wore.

I am also going back to the gym this week and next. After that, it will be closed for good and I will have to figure out something else to do. I don't know if I will just do some exercise in the house or join another gym.

My Biggest Eating Challenge

Yesterday was supposed to already be a challenge for me because I wouldn't be on a real schedule, per se. I was getting out of work at 12, driving all the way home to let my dog out and then heading into Queens to pick up my boyfriend. From there, we were off to NJ to go to a restaurant and/or Seaside Heights before heading to an awesome concert by Ed from Live. I figured I would have some kind of grilled chicken salad for dinner sans the dressing, but I found a half baked chicken, which was delicious, but had more grease then I've ever seen. Not sure how that's even possible, but I took all the skin off and I weighed myself this morning and it has had no effect on my weight loss, which is going phenominal!! I will keep you in suspense and will reveal the amount on Monday morning as promised. I had also brought enough of my other 'meals' from Medifast to hold me over. However, all of that was the east part. What was so hard on me was the fact that I had my review earlier in the morning. After a half hour (!) in with two of the partners, it was decided that I was not getting a raise this year (which is something I totally expected and don't want to go into on here, but it was still hard to hear reality, especially since I struggle from paycheck to paycheck.) Needless to say, I was Cranky Pant Cavanaugh, which is the name given to my alter ego by my boyfriend when I am just not acting myself. Well, CPC was in FULL EFFECT for many hours, probably about 6. Lots of horse race winning and just the usual fun my boyfriend and I have together brought back Christine. Seriously, all I wanted to do was eat everything in sight as soon as we got to the restaurant or drink A LOT when we got to the concert venue or both and I am very proud to say that I did neither. I had a lot of quiet time and thinking and got past it all. Sorry to my boyfriend for having to deal with it, but I am so proud of myself for not falling back into my normal habits. :)

Today is my nephew's birthday party, so I will be bringing all of my own food to eat. No problem at all!! I even baked Peach Oatmeal cookies to eat while cake is being served.

No cheating!!

Yesterday was one of the very few days that I have not cheated on a diet and I'm so proud of myself. :) It was a struggle. I started getting headaches and started feeling hungry. Normally, my first instinct would be to grab a snack, but you can't eat anything extra on Medifast....just their 5 meals and 1 regular meal. I guess I am finally ready to change my life because it really didn't take too much will power from me and I wasn't craving food or anything. Six meals a day is perfect for me. I'm constantly 'eating'. The only drawback was that I had to get up TWICE in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. I NEVER do that. That's fine with me...lose all the water weight now. Since I'm a little crazy, I decided to weigh myself this morning, just to see and I lost over 3 pounds!!! I know that's not the norm, but not a bad start. I will from now on be weighing in every Monday morning before going to work so that I will be consistent. My mom took a picture of me yesterday and I will be posting it probably tonight, if I can locate the correct wires. Things are still in a little disarray at the house. I haven't had to much time to finish organizing things. Sunday is the day!! I will probably post pictures every time I have a visit with my surgeon and as those become fewer, at least every month.

One casualty this morning...I dropped my eggs in the garbage pail!! They cooked perfectly except for a little excess water and I went to pour it out and the eggs slid so quickly right out of my container with the water. It was hot, so I had trouble holding it. I'm not too happy, but luckily had an extra shake with me at work to drink in its place.

I'm passing on the gym this week so that my body can adjust to this new diet AND it's 100 degrees here. I'm also still sore from the weekend of swimming with the kids. No more excuses after this week. Right back to the gym for the last two weeks it is open. Then....I'm not sure.

Day 1 on Medifast

I have slept 3 days with the CPAP machine and I don't really like it. I wake up during the night and then have to reset the machine. The mask doesn't seem to fit properly. I should have went with the full nose mask instead of the mask that just went up the nose. I'm trying, I really am. I think I get nervous about it and that's why I have so many problems. There is nothing to be nervous about, it's just a weird feeling. You have slight air being pumped into your nose and can really only breathe out of your mouth. I guess it's just something I have to get used to. The technician is supposed to call me today, so I will talk to him and see what he suggests.

My Medifast package was delivered on Friday, so I started today on the 5-1 plan and one lean and green meal. So far so good...2 meals down, 4 to go.

I have to admit that this past weekend, I visited several of my favorite restaurants and ate my favorite foods since it will be a very long time, if ever, doing that again. Surprisingly, I lost a pound!! I didn't go crazy nuts, but did eat more then I should have. So, this morning, I weighed 306.4 pounds. Keep in mind, my scale at home, the difference in time of day I am weighed and clothes vs no clothes seems to be a 4 pound difference with the surgeon's scale.

Wish me luck because I'm really nervous about this whole Medifast thing and losing the weight I need to. Many eating challenges await me in the near future, but as long as I prepare in advance, I'm hoping I am fine. I am having my mom take a picture of me today at lunch and will post pictures periodically to show my progress.

Official Consultation with my Sugeon

Last night was the big night!! I already did all my consulations and was just going in for an official consultation with my surgeon. Of course, they only had one evaluation and have to now contact all of my doctors for their reports. My worst fear was realized last night and I was fairly certain it would happen. My BMI is .2 higher then the surgeons like to operate on. I was not surprised because it's the story of my life, but I did shed some tears. My official weight last night was 311.4, height 5'3" and BMI 55.2. He would like me to lose about 15-20 pounds before he does the surgery. He suggested Medifast. I've done it before, but doing more shakes this time. I drink/eat five of their products and one lean and green meal a day. They claim I can lose 2-5 pounds a week. I just made an appointment to see him again on July 30. I'm hoping to be down this weight by then and we can schedule the surgery at that time. Being on a liquid diet also helps in reducing the size of your liver, which partly lays on top of your stomach and must be raised during surgery, we learned last night. Obviously, the less I weigh, the better the outcome of the surgery. I'm hoping to have my package from Medifast either Tuesday or Wednesday of next week and I'm starting right away!! My boyfriend has a lot more confidence in me losing this weight than I have in myself, because, let's be honest, if I could do this on my own, I wouldn't be having the surgery. Wish me luck!! If all goes well, there is a possibility I could have the surgery by mid August or have to wait until the beginning of September when my surgeon returns from vacation.

It's Official

I was diagnosed with mild sleep apnea. Apparently, since I stopped breathing so early on in the study, (that's when the technician came in to put the mask on) I don't have to go for a second sleep study. Today, I made an appointment to meet with a technician and pick up my CPAP machine for next Friday afternoon. Something I wasn't expecting was the cost. My insurance company only covers half. I was a little shocked at MY half of the cost. Oh well. It's necessary and I will have to come up with it somehow by next Friday. At least it's payday.

Wednesday is the big day!!! I've actually managed to lose about 12 pounds now since February. How?? I don't know. I have not changed any eating or exercise habits. I'm so ready to sit down with the surgeon and get this moving so I can have the surgery already!!

Sleep Study Results

I just got a call from my pulmonologist's office and the sleep study results have come in. Bad news is I have to go to his office so we can talk about them. I'm not that worried because I already know I have sleep apnea and he already gave me clearance for the surgery, but it means I will have to go back for another sleep study so they can figure out the proper oxygen level I need. Ugh!!! On a positive note, I will hopefully finally feel well rested and actually will sleep through the night.

My June 30 visit with my surgeon can not come soon enough. I'm ready!! The more I think about it, the more I'm hoping that it will not be too delayed. August is the latest I want to have the surgery.

Cardio Clearance

WOOHOO!! Just got a call from my cardiologist and he said all of my tests came back negative and he was giving me clearance for my surgery!! So excited and so happy!!

The Sleep Study

It went well last night. I wasn't exactly sure what to expect, but it wasn't nearly as uncomfortable to sleep as I thought it was AND there was a TV in my room!! I'm still quite sleepy. I had a restless night. It took 45 minutes for the technician to hook me up to all the wires. She pretty much packed my entire head and face with wires, electrodes, tape and jelly. Afterwards, I went right to bed and it only took me about 45 minutes to fall asleep. Halfway through, she woke me up to put a small mask over my nose with oxygen. I probably slept the best after that was on. Guess that means it helped. The technician woke me up at 5 am and started taking everything off. Not pleasant at all and my face is still sticky after my showerS. In two weeks, I have to call the pulmonologist regarding the results. Not only was I videotaped, but the computer file has 1000 pages of information on my sleeping now too!! That is some test to analyze!!

Sleep Study

Tonight is my sleep study at the hospital. Believe it or not, I'm actually looking forward to sleeping in a bed and having nothing to do, sort of like a vacation for me. I haven't slept in my bed in about 3 weeks. I have been doing a ton of renovations at the house and every room is filled to capacity. I am at the point now of emptying the rooms, throwing out and putting things where they belong. I look forward to having my bedroom back by the end of week. Anyway, the part I'm not looking forward to is NO TV (I always fall asleep to it) and being hooked up to machines and having sensors all over my head and face. Should be interesting.

I have to say something. I haven't told a lot of people about the surgery. Most I have told are incredibly supportive, but there are a handful that are trying to discourage me. If I could snap my fingers and the weight disappear, I would. I have tried EVERY other option....endless diets, exercise and hypnosis. Nothing has worked to this point. This is definitely a last resort for me. I completely understand all of the negatives and side effects, but if I had any other options, I would be taking them. What I find interesting is one person in particular that has criticized my weight isn't thrilled about the surgery. Honestly, it's none of her business and she should never have known about it to begin with, but how can she discourage it when her biggest issue with me has been my weight?!?! Makes no sense and I don't want to be around people that are negative. I am having the surgery and want to tell who I want, when I want, what I want. I am excited about it and I understand the obstacles awaiting me.

That is all I have to say about this now. Thanks for the vent session!!

Last night was the Shrink

I passed the psychological evaluation with flying colors!! Twenty minutes and $275 later, I was told I have an excellent head on my shoulders and am a perfect candidate for this surgery. YAY!!! Just waiting for the results from the cardiologist and to complete the sleep study on Monday.

Cardiologist

I went to see the Cardiologist last week and he heard my heart murmur. I don't think he was really concerned. It's never been an issue before. He sent me for an echocardiogram (which was so cool to watch) and a stress test yesterday. I had been freaking out about the stress test because, let's be honest, I'm not in the best shape and now they want me to run on a treadmill on an INCLINE for an extended length of time??? It was not bad at all. I just had to walk at various inclines. I was quite proud of myself. I lasted the entire time until the technician stopped the test, which was probably about 6-8 minutes long. Hope I passed so I don't have to do the nuclear test.

Doctor #2-Pulminologist

Yesterday, I had my second required doctor evaluation. I visited a pulminologist. For those of you that don't know, they check your breathing and lungs. I really had no idea what to expect, but it was no big deal. The tests last a total of about 10 minutes or so and just consist of blowing in and out of a tube at various strengths. I learned two things from this visit....I am not very good at blowing out (the technician had to perform the test several times because I wasn't doing it right) and I managed to shrink. I'm now 5'2.25". I still don't know if that's accurate or not, but that's what he said. I passed with flying colors and am getting scheduled for a sleep study at the same hospital I'm having the surgery at. He did make me feel better about my sleep apnea. He said that I had nothing to worry about during the surgery. Later on today, I will be seeing a cardiologist.