My Nutritionist

I have the best nutrtitionist!! I always feel so great when I leave our meeting and she said I do the same for her. She was not the least bit concerned about my little bit of weight gain and explained that my weight loss journey will not be a straight line decrease. I will hit plateaus and possibly have some periods of small weight gain, but then continue to lose. She thinks I'm doing a fabulous job and have my head on straight. She said I'm not asking when can I eat such and such, but rather a little nervous about adding new foods to my diet. I'm off restrictions at this point and she suggested I try some pork chops and steak, salad and vegetables and fruit. I also asked about some non perishable snacks while I'm on the go. She suggested high protein bars like South Beach, Pria or Luna. I only found Atkins at my supermarket and bought a few boxes to try. They will especially be good for me after going to the gym during my long ride home. She also said I could have cheese and crackers like my neice and nephews eat. I couldn't eat a whole package, but it will at least tide me over until my next meal and I am getting additional protein. Nut butters and cheese are great options for me, along with some cereals. I honestly can't imagine going back to eating regular food again. I am not having a problem eating any of the foods I have been for the last month and thoroughly enjoy them. I made such a delicious turkey burger for dinner tonight. I can't believe that I never enjoyed food for all these years. I thought I was, but was just shovelling it in just for the sake of eating. Now, I savor every bite. I look forward to eating and am really excited about cooking new meals for myself.

Tomorrow is another big day for me. It is my first fill!! I am really scared about it. I'm really not sure what to expect. I don't know how it will feel. I don't know how the restriction will affect my eating. I really don't want to get sick and have done a good job avoiding it. I don't know how long it will take to fill me 2 ccs. I'm not really a fan of needles, lol. Strange surgery for me to have since a needle is required at least once a month for the first year. Of course the appointment is late in the afternoon so I have to go a whole day of trying not to think about it. Wish me luck!!

Five Weeks Out

I attended my first and probably only, for awhile anyway, support group meeting. I really did not enjoy it as much as other weight loss support meetings I have been to. It was very unorganized and I did not feel that the 'professionals' actually knew what they were doing. They have these meetings once a month. It should be easy. They couldn't remember the name of bariatric brand food, among other things. The worst part of it was that it felt like people were competing. I never felt that way in other weight loss groups, but this meeting contained four types of people...those considering surgery, those who had lap band surgery, those who had gastric sleeve surgery and those who had gastric bypass surgey. Results all seemed wonderful, but I felt a little discouraged because lap band weight loss is a lot slower than the other surgeries. I talked to two other women that had lap band surgery and compared stories.

The gym felt so wonderful this week!! I do ten minutes warm up on the elliptical trainer and about 35-40 minutes doing weighted circuit training. My stamina has been great. I did a ton of walking this weekend also. I still get tired and seem to sweat more than I used to, but I feel great doing it and keep pushing myself.

My stomach, actually the area where the port is, hurts a little on occassion. Nothing really painful, just a little. I also can't bend down for an extended period of time yet. The incisions have really healed nicely. I almost can't believe it's been 5 weeks!!

This is the first time in my life that I feel like I have my eating under control. I am not tempted to eat the foods that I should not and I am definitely not tempted to eat more than I should. I wish I could have done this without going to drastic measures, but it is working and I am so happy. It feels good to finally have control over this aspect of my life.

Update: HW 317, PSW 306.4, SW 284, CW 274.2!!

Another Lesson Learned

Over the past few days, I have learned how important it is for me to stay calm and not stressed out. I really had hoped after surgery, I would change how I react to things, but the past few days have proven otherwise. I still jump to defend myself and beliefs and get too animated (the Italian and German mix is to blame on this) and worked up for my own good. I have learned that since having the lap band installed, I feel it if I get myself too upset or laugh too hard. I am scared that it will slip. I don't think it's that easy for it slip, but I really don't want to find out. I prefer no more surgeries, if I can help it. Clearly, everything in excess in my life just has to go. Plain and simple. Deep, deep breaths.

4 Weeks

I can't believe it's been 4 weeks since my surgery. This weekend has been very eventful. Friday night, I decided I wanted to eat dinner out for the first time in over a month. It was sort of spur of the moment. Anthony and I went to TGIFriday's. We don't normally eat at a lot of chain restaurants and their new menu was a huge eye opener for me. I realize now why I've gained so much weight eating out. What I thought was healthy, was not usually. Now that menus have calories listed for each meal, it was very difficult for me to choose something to eat. I also had thought that they had a Weight Watchers section, but that is no more. I ended up choosing parmesan-crusted chicken with cheese tortellini in spinach alfredo sauce and tomatoes and fresh mozzarella. It was just under 900 calories and was a 'right portion' option. It happened to be one of the few meals lowest in calories. It was the perfect amount of food for me since I don't eat the fresh mozzarella and tomatoes. The chicken went down fine and so did the pasta. I will definitely be more mindful when I choose to eat out now.

Saturday night we went out to the movies and I'm still nervous about having popcorn, so I brought an individual size bag of M&Ms with me. I didn't finish the whole bag and ate one at a time, letting them melt in my mouth. It was a yummy treat and not terrible, if done every once in a while.

Sunday, I decided that I REALLY missed having pizza. Aside from having the diet pizza after the Renassaince Faire back in the beginning of August, I haven't had PIZZA since before July 6. Since we are still so confused about the 'rules' between all the conflicting information we have received, Anthony decided to go to the old Web and look it up himself. He found on several websites that I am behind in some areas and ahead in others. I started the ground meat earlier, but still hadn't had any sharp foods like crackers, toast, etc. That should have all started last week. So, we decided I should be OK having a slice of pizza. No, I did not want to microwave it and make it softer for me. If I'm going to have pizza, I want pizza. If I couldn't have it that way, I would wait until I could. For dinner, we ventured to a great neighborhood pizza place down the road from my house. I ordered one slice of heaven, aka sicilian and Anthony ordered some chicken fingers in addition to his dinner. I had a finger and half for some protein, even though they were fried. All went down fine. I ate small bites and slowly. Now, for the pizza test. It just looked and smelled so good. I cut pieces, probably a little bigger then I should have, but the first bite was just amazing. Yes, I moaned as I ate. I got through about 3/4 of it and did not eat any crust. I started feeling it slip through the band, which is a really weird feeling. It's almost like a suction feeling, but not as strong. I decided this was probably my cue to stop and I was completely satisfied. If I could have a slice of pizza every other week for the rest of my life or even once every week, I would be very happy.

During Anthony's research, he also discovered that I was able to go in the hot tub so, after dinner, it was a dip in the hot tub for us. It felt wonderful!!

Monday night was my first night back at the gym. I was going to take it easy and see how I felt. I started on the elliptical trainer (my favorite workout machine). I was going to do it for 10 minutes, but it was tiring, so I lasted only 5. I still felt that was a good accomplishment and it really is only meant as a warm up. Next came the circuit training. I lasted a half hour using the same amount of weight I had ended with. I tried it easier and it just didn't feel good, so I kept increasing it. I felt so great afterwards. I'm so glad I'm back at the gym, only to repeat it at least 2 more times this week. I may have fallen asleep at 9:30 after the gym, but so what.

So, here are the new numbers. Check this out!!! HW 317, PSW 306.4, SW 284 CW 277.2

I guess eliminating the egg/banana was the way to go for me. I'm back on the losing side!! I still find this whole losing weight thing to be confusing because now I ate out twice this past weekend AND lost weight, when all along I've been eating healthy and choosing the right foods and gaining weight. UGH!!! So confusing, but taking things day by day.

What Exactly Do I Eat Everyday??

Last night, Anthony made us a really yummy dinner. I healthified a recipe Anthony fell in love with on Rachel Ray over a year ago. It's an adult version of mac and cheese. There is spinach and broccoli in it. We skipped the broccoli this time around because I'm not supposed to have it yet and I added some grilled chicken to mine. This was the first time I was eating chicken breast and it was a complete success!! The spinach wasn't a problem either. We went on a nice 40 minute stroll through his neighborhood after dinner and stopped for sugar free ices on the way back. Believe it or not, the 40 minute walk was a breeze for me. I was a little tired when we got back, but felt really great! I love nights like that!!

I made an appointment for tonight to meet the owner of a new gym I want to join. I got a special sign up offer in my email yesterday and decided to not wait the extra week and go for it. I don't intend to work out tonight, just fill out all the paperwork, get measured and weighed, etc. I will begin Monday and I am really looking forward to it.

I'm not sure I ever wrote about what I eat on a daily basis, so here it goes:
Breakfast 1 hard boiled egg
Snack Banana
Lunch 4-6 oz. Baby food or macaroni salad made with lite french dressing, fat free mayo and lots of tuna
Snack 4 oz. Plain yogurt mixed with sugar free/fat free chocolate pudding to make it taste yummy or unsweetened applesauce
Dinner 4-6 oz. total Tofu pasta, lil bit of sauce & ground turkey, baby food, macaroni salad or 4 oz. burger with a slice of fat free cheese on a wheat slider bun
Snack 4 oz. pudding or sugar free ice pop

The above has pretty much been my diet for the past two weeks, while drinking lots of water. Occassionally, I will throw in some diet Iced Tea.

This week, I have substituted the egg for a bowl of Farina and the banana for a sugar free Carnation instant breakfast shake made with skim milk plus. We'll see if that makes a different in my weight loss. I have a feeling it might and shame on me for not making that change sooner.

Talking to Me

Yes, I have had bariatric surgery and don't mind talking about my experience, frustrations and successes. I do, however, mind talking about weight loss, healthy eating, right choices, etc. CONSTANTLY with certain people. Clearly, I have a problem with food and don't really want everything I do focusing around it, if I can help it. I do not want to discuss these things at every meal. I do have other things in my life to talk about. I know what I have to do, I have taken the right steps, I have sought professional help. Move on!!

Struggling

The past four or five days have proven to be quite a challenge for me. I'm not really sure why. Since getting my appetite back and 'eating food' again, I have had the tendencies to go back to some of my old ways. The problem with that is that I could never binge again. I don't want to, but I'm having trouble steering my thoughts away from eating. I do so well during the day, but then I get home and want to just eat. I make myself a yummy dinner and have been keeping somewhat of a rotation of foods so I don't get bored. Maybe it's because I haven't been losing the past couple of weeks and subconsciously sabotaging myself as I have done so many times in the past when I hit a bump in the road. I need to get over this and fast!! I do not understand why I have not been losing, except maybe due to lack of activity. Again, I am hardly taking in any calories so my normal routine should automatically counteract any intake of calories. I am going to Anthony's house after work tonight (something I rarely do) and he will be cooking a yummy dinner for us and then I want to go for a short walk, 20-30 minutes. I am hoping that this will get me back in the swing of things. I also think that I will start the gym next week since I'm feeling so good. I will not overdo it, but I have to do something!!

As I write about my frustrations, I am glad that I recognize them and willing to take the bull by the horns before things get out of control as they have in the past. Deep breaths. This will work for me and change my life forever in such a positive way.

Weekly Update

We are now 3 weeks from my surgery and I'm feeling great!! No pain at all, but still feeling a little run down doing activities that I used to do with no problem. I keep testing myself every week. Tonight, I will attempt to straighten up my bedroom, which has become the dump all. I will be bending, moving boxes and sorting through stuff. I will be careful not to over do it though.

I really miss eating out at restaurants. I realize now I used to spend a lot of unnecessary money eating out. Anthony and I have saved a fortune over the past month. I feel like I've been antsy lately because of all of my restrictions, but so scared about eating something that will damage my sensitive stomach. I tried some ground beef last night and had no problems.

Since losing so much weight, I have been to the movies and a Mets game. I must admit that I am so much more comfortable in my seat. The small things in life...

HW 317, PSW 306.4, SW 284, CW 280.6

As you may have noticed, since surgery, my weight is slowly creeping back up to SW. I think it is due to water retention, my body adjusting to eating some food again and lack of activity. I haven't really been doing walking on a regular basis, like I should be. I get out on the weekends and make sure I do it, but during the week, I'm just not up for it. That is why I will be doing house work this week. I just can't imagine doing such little activity as to not be burning more then 500-600 calories a day, because that is all I am taking in right now. I know, that puts my body in starvation mode. I meet with my nutritionist again on the 28th so I will get more help from her since I will be off restrictions then. I really look forward to going back to the gym too.

Chicken Burgers

I tried chicken burgers for dinner last night. I had one patty split in half on wheat slider buns with a slice of fat free cheese. I just didn't feel right after eating it. It could have been a combination of eating too fast, too much and eating chicken for the first time. Oh well. I'll try it again next week. This weekend, I think I will make some tilapia as a change. I should be fine eating that.

So far, so good. :)

Do I Really Look That Different??

So I have had several people tell me how different I look now that I dropped some weight. I don't agree but maybe it's because I've seen myself at this weight before. I have lost a lot of weight in my face and butt. I still see myself kind of the same way. In a couple of weeks, I will take another picture and let you be the judge.

First Follow Up with Surgeon

Alls good with my recovery. The incisions are really healing nicely and the redness around them is just caused by the tape, we learned last night. I'm eating all the foods he mentioned and will get my first adjustment in 3 weeks. He said that it won't really affect me. It takes about 3 or 4 adjustments for things to really start working the way they are supposed to. I have full clearance on food and exercise in 3 weeks. I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I really miss the gym. It will be good for me to get back there. My stamina is way down right now. In the waiting room, we met one of my surgery buddies. She was lucky because she only had to go back to work for the first time since surgery yesterday. It sounded like she had a really rough time the first week, but doing better now. I thought it looked like she lost a lot of weight since the surgery, but hadn't asked. It was good to find out that she was just as confused as I am and kept getting conflicting instructions. It seems that some people believe there are things I should NEVER eat or drink ever again, but according to my surgeon yesterday, there is nothing like that. Moderation is key and if I sipped from a straw one day or had some soda, it wouldn't kill me. I felt better after hearing this because I have become a little crazy with what exactly I can and can't have. I feel I will always be strict with myself, but will also give myself some leeway when going to parties or out to dinner. It's good to know that I can eat pretty much whatever I want at some point and be 'normal' eventually. The surgeon also explained how he does not have the secret to life and the lap band is not a miracle worker. I have to be the one to change my habits and want to succeed. It is expected that I will hit plateaus and then will get tightened, lose weight, hit a plateau and get tightened, etc. I am fine with that. I will continue with my nutritionist possibly attend some of the support groups. So far, I am happy with everything and working VERY hard to get myself healthy. It's nice to finally see some results. It really does keep me going, regardless of the stupid things that have been said to me so far.

2 Weeks Since Surgery

Every day was easier for me at work as the week passed. Sitting for long periods of time is uncomfortable so I try to walk around as much as possible. Sunday, I went to the park to walk a bit and did well, but it wiped me out. I have no pain or soreness on the outside, but Anthony and I saw a funny movie Saturday night and I laughed a little too hard and now my insides hurt a little bit. I really am not completely healed even though it feels like I am. I have to take it easy.

I have to address how annoying it is that certain people are treating me completely different since the surgery and losing weight. I just lost a little weight, that's it. I'm still the same person. I HATE fake people. Don't be all nicey nice to me because I've lost a little bit of weight when you were so mean to me before the surgery. One of the reasons I didn't want to spread the word about my surgery. Seriously, what is wrong with people??? Why are there so many shallow people in this world? I did not have this surgery so that I could look better in clothes or not be embarrassing to be around because of my weight. My main motivation was to be healthy. I was tired of huffing and puffing doing basic chores, walking up steps or playing with the kids.

Per my nutritionist, I started eating some ground turkey. I make my tofu linguine, some sauce and ground turkey. So delicious!! I'm doing great keeping all my foods down. No problems at all. I am just barely getting an appetite back.

I can feel the port and the band. It's a little weird, but kind of cool. I'm healing really well. The surgeon did a great job sewing me up. The incision area just gets a little itchy sometimes.

Labor Day was difficult. I figured there would be hamburgers, hot dogs, chicken, etc. being served. No big deal. I planned ahead and brought my own food. There was some chicken and honey baked ham (one of my favorites), not to mention some yummy sides. For snack, various chips were put out. I didn't realize this would be so difficult for me to ignore, but apparently they are trigger foods for me. I would never dare take a chip because I am scared about it ripping up my still fragile stomach. The last meal of the day was my absolute favorite bagel sandwich. Really?!?!?! Bagels are way too hard for me to digest now as well. What a hard, hard day. I did make it through with no casualties, but wow. I never thought I would have that problem. I know everyone shouldn't be punished for my decision to have surgery but a little courtesy would be appreciated. I definitely learned that for awhile now I must be VERY careful when choosing to eat out or going to functions. Everything socially revolves around food. What a culture we live in!!

I see my surgeon tomorrow. I'm sure he just wants to check the incisions again. Should be a quick visit.

My results: HW(My highest weight when I decided to start the process) 317, PSW 306.4, SW 284, CW 279.4.