Thank you!!

I would like to thank my family members that came to visit me while recovering and for all of the thoughtful gifts. I have to admit that I do have a favorite...it came from my cousins. They sent me a gift card to a store I have never been able to shop in before and am so incredibly excited to be able to go in a few months and pick out whatever I want!

I have to give a special thank you to Anthony who has been by my side every single step of this process. He went to most of the doctor's appointments with me, sat through surgery and stayed with me the entire week being my man slave. :) He has done such an incredible job and has handled things so much better then I imagined he would. He has supported me and is trying to get healthier himself. Two is always better than one. I love you too much, Anthony!!

Monday

Back to work for me, much against Anthony's desire. Unfortunately, I just didn't have the time from work and I was feeling better, but just sore now. I think I overdid things a little bit yesterday. I'm doing OK sitting at my desk, but it hurts a little. I'm surprised that I'm lasting this long, but only about 3 hours left!! I'm doing the bare minimum and just catching up on stuff now. I've decided also not to let the stress from this job or anything else in my life affect me anymore. I just can't. I've made an important decision to get healthy and I'm not letting anyone get in my way. OHHHHH!!!! The most important thing. Weigh in Day!! So, I've decided to make it easy to follow my progress. I will be using the following abbreviations throughout my journey...PSW(Presurgery weight, when I started Medifast), SW(Surgery weight) and CW (Current weight). So, here we go.... PSW 306.4, SW 284, CW 277.2. Go me!!! Follow up appointment with my nutritionist and surgeon's partner is tomorrow morning.

Some Miscellaneous Stuff

I have had absolutely no appetite since before the surgery. It's a pretty good thing, since before, I used to crave food constantly. However, now I force myself to make sure I get in the meals I'm supposed to. From what I understand, the feeling will return in about 6-8 weeks.

My throat was a little sore after surgery because they must put a breathing tube down your throat during the procedure. It really only hurt through the first night. They give you this little swab type thing with a half cup of water to soothe it. Eh, it works OK.

I have a little bit of swelling on my right side. I believe that's where the port is. It makes my stomach look a little deformed, but that should disappear soon.

I took my first shower on Saturday and it felt AMAZING!!! No problems. I was able to get in and out of the tub and wash up by myself.

Coughing and yawning hurt my lungs a little bit. My lower right lung is all better now (Monday). My lower left lung still bothers me a little, but getting better. I haven't been so good with my breathing exercises, but I've been walking better and not getting so out of breath.

Sunday

Friends of ours invited us to a BBQ today. I made some egg salad and brought a cup of applesauce to eat. I lasted about 2 hours. Sitting hurts and there aren't really too many positions I can be in. I came home and started preparing some food to take with me to work. I HATE plain yogurt, but a girl at work taught a little trick...add about a tablespoon of vanilla and a packet and a half of chocolate fudge fat free/sugar free pudding. Yum!! I also made some butterscotch pudding with skim plus, since I need to make sure I get the protein I require. It was a long day and I was exhausted, but I think I didn't pretty good, considering.

Saturday

Since my life is always filled with challenges, I had one more thrown my way Saturday....my monthly visitor. This was the first time I started feeling a little dizzy and wobbly in my legs when I stood up. Anthony finally gave in and allowed me start small on my mushy food phase. I had a cup of applesauce. All good. A few hours later, I had a hard boiled egg. Again, no problems and I was feeling much better. We originally going to venture out to the movies, but decided to take it easy, considering how the afternoon had gone.

Friday

I was determined to be able to sit at the table today and I did, with no pain for over half an hour. It's amazing how much your body heals everyday. I can now walk around without holding my stomach. Anthony helped me take the one bandage off my largest incision. We were both a little nervous to see what was underneath, but it was fine and looked just like the others that hadn't been covered with cotton. Still eating jello and apple juice.

Thursday

I decided to sleep on a different recliner (my couch has 3) Wednesday night and it was much easier for me to get up and down by myself. I try challenging myself a little more everyday. I decided I wanted to sit up straight since I've always been on a recline. That didn't go so well. It didn't even last five minutes before I couldn't take the pain anymore. I don't see how I'm ever going to last a full day at work if I can't sit in a chair for five minutes. Anthony's mom and her boyfriend came over to visit and then they left to go crabbing at the pier down the road from my house. Anthony and I wanted to join them later. We had to stop off at the supermarket for more bait on the way down. It was my first venture out and I walked around the store with Anthony and did pretty good. Then we went down to the pier. I brough one of my folding reclining chairs to sit on. It was a perfect night. The weather was so beautiful. We walked about half the pier and back. I did good, but got out of breath very easily. I have to do a sucking and breathing technique into this machine the hospital gave me ten times every hour. I've been getting better and better everday, but it's hard. Now, just my lower left lung hurts a little bit when I do it.

Wednesday

The morning was a little rough getting up, but Anthony helped. My sister and her kids stopped over for a little visit. They were nervous seeing me, but I showed them my 'boo-boos' and they felt much better. Speaking of which, I have 4 small incisions which are about a half an inch long and one incision that is probably about an inch or so long. Tape and stitches still cover them and will eventually dissolve on their own. They brought my pug back, whom you saw in the last two pictures. Anthony was very nervous about having her back because naturally her favorite place to lay is on my stomach. She's been so wonderful and sleeps by my feet, along with one of my cats, who also loves to do mushy mushy on my belly. Animals just know when something is not right. They are amazing and so comforting. My nephew asked if I could walk and I said of course, I can. I got up and started walking around the room. He said, go faster. I said that I am going fast. I really was quite impressed with how much better I was walking. He said I should run, that would be fast. Clearly, that was not going to happen. Then my neice and nephew wanted to know if I could walk up and down the steps by myself. I said of course. So we all walked over to the three steps that lead into my living room and walked up and back down them. I think they were satisfied then that their Aunt Stine was OK. I spent the day relaxing, walking around the house, eating jello and drinking water and apple juice. Really, an uneventful day. Anthony and I have been watching a lot of TV and talking.

2nd and Final Day in the Hospital

At 7:30 am, I was rolled down to radiology for an X-ray and an esophagram. It was quite painful for me to have to shimmy my body from the stretcher to the X-ray table. I moved my hips and by shoulders back and forth until I was on the table, but it hurt. Little did I know, THAT would not be the worst part of this test. The X-ray was no big deal and is down in the rare instance that my surgeon feels the band has slipped. He can take a current X-ray and compare it to the one taken right after surgery to see if that is indeed the problem. Now, on to the bad part...the esophagram. It was really cool to watch, but a terrible test to go through. They make you drink this clear liquid which isn't as horrible as they say, but far from delicious through a straw (which I'm never to do because it bloats the stomach). As you drink the liquid it shows up black on the screen. Liquids immediately go down your esophagus to your stomach and through you small intestine. It was cool seeing it funnel through the lapband, so I know that is working properly. Here was my problem. Apparently, I digest things a little slower then most people. We saw the liquid go down my esophagus and fill my stomach, but that's where it stopped. The doctor left and said he would be back. A few minutes later he came back, but the liquid was still stuck in my stomach, so he left again. The technician said I should drink more because it would have pass better, but I felt I was already passed my limit. I know that it's important to make sure my body is functioning properly, but there has to be a limit too. So, the technician said she would need to rock my body back and forth to help the liquid pass. Back and forth I went. About five minutes later, the doctor comes back and success!! Everything is working well and he is happy with the results. I'm wheeled back up my room afer being down there for about 3 hours and they want me to drink 4 ounces of water and cranberry juice total before they will release me. This is the first time I will have anything in my system since Sunday night. I get 2 ounces down but not feeling that great anymore. They are still ready to release me soon. Anthony comes and says I don't look as good as I did yesterday. I tell the nurse I'm not feeling well and she suggests I walk a little and try to go to the bathroom. I walk and I'm ok. I go to the bathroom and I'm ok. I wash my hands and just lean on the sink because something just doesn't feel right and then I get sick. The nurse says this is completely normal and I'm doing great. I go bad to bed and fall asleep for a bit, get a brief education on the coming week and then decided to get dressed and see how I'm feeling. Still not 100%, but better. We finally leave the hospital around 3:00 and stop by my parent's house so the kids can give me some balloons they made and flowers they picked out for me. After all that horrible medicine was out of my system, I started feeling much better. I still needed help getting up from the couch and walked around holding my stomach, but I started drinking water and was not having any problems with keeping it down.

Surgery Day

As soon as I got to the hospital, I was given a gown, socks and a robe to change into. It was still 2 hours before surgery so thought I could hang out with Anthony for a little bit, but I was wrong. They told me I had to go to the holding room. I gave Anthony a kiss, a hug and told him I loved him and was escorted to the holding room. I was put a gurney and had to lay there for a least an hour. This was going to one long hour. About 15 people came over and asked the same questions over and over and told me how they would be involved with my surgery. Anthony was smart and asked if he could come see me and they showed me where I was. I was happy to see him again. I was in really good spirits, but was worried without any distractions where my thoughts would lead me. They eventually wheel me into the operating room, where about 8 people are standing around. I move over to the operating table and they immediately strap my thighs down. They then took my left arm with the IV in it and strapped that down. They put an oxygen mask over my mouth and said to breathe in three or four times. I might have breathed about eight times and that was the last I remembered. I woke up in the OR less then 2 hours later and wheeled into recovery. I was so lucky. I had my own private suite with a TV. Anthony was in my room about 2 minutes I got there. I think we were both relieved to see each other. It did take a few hours for me to completely come out of it, but it happened quickly. I was a little uncomfortable lying in bed, but the worst part was getting in and out of bed. It is good to walk around to prevent blod clots. I never got more than an hour or an hour and a half of sleep at a time because nurses or doctors were constantly coming in. All in all, not a bad day.

So my BMI ended up being 50.3 on surgery day. Also, here are two pictures of me that morning before we left.

I made it!!

I am now home from surgery, which was a complete success!! I will update over the next few days when I'm feeling a little better. Just really need sleep now.

Today is the Day!!

The official weigh in this morning is 284 pounds!!! I lost another 9.2 pounds last week. Not surprised since all I 'ate' was water, jello and broth. I lost a total of 21.8 pounds since I started keeping tracking, but probably a lot more in total. Going to shower since I don't know when I will be able to again and then we are off to the hospital. Anthony will be driving me to and from the hospital, staying there and then staying at my house for the next week. Yay me!! Wish me luck and say your prayers. I will report back tomorrow night with all the details.

Tomorrow is my big day!!

First, let me start off by saying that yesterday's funeral was by far the hardest funeral I've ever been at. You know everyone is bound to shed a tear when the priest, who is your age, is crying throughout the service. I was very proud how well Anthony did.

The water, jello, broth diet SUCKS!!!! It really has not been agreeing with my stomach (which means it's probably doing it's job) and it leaves me zapped of energy. One more week to go on it and then to yummy baby food. I went food shopping today which was not as tortuous as I thought it would be. There are hardly any meat baby foods. I got some turkey, chicken and beef. Yum, lol. Four ounces of food is not a lot, no matter what shape or form it takes on. It was awkward for me shopping for baby food, but probably not as awkward as the two women felt that asked 'how old my little one was'. I had to explaing I was having surgery and this is what I'm required to eat. On a positive note, I bought more then a month's worth of food and it cost $100!!! Yay for my new way of life!! Screw you RKLL, I don't need no raise.

Been feeling really good about the surgery today. I'm excited and thinking lots of positive thoughts. I lit a candle yesterday in Church. One thing I keep getting reminded of is something one of my friends said to me last week. She said that I shouldn't worry because if all the doctors I went to didn't think I was healthy enough to have the surgery, they would not have approved it. She's right. The weight has been falling off my body this past week, but I will keep you in suspense for my update tomorrow morning before surgery. Someone I haven't seen for 2 months was shocked about how much weight I've lost. My own boyfriend didn't recognize me standing near the Church. I did lose another 5 pounds since he last saw me on Tuesday, but seriously?!?!? I don't see it in the mirror yet, but have definitely noticed it other places.

My first surprise of the journey

The nurse practitioner calls me a little while ago and says, "You are doing just water, jello and broth until surgery, right??" I said, OMG, no one ever told me that and her response was, "I just did." Wow, my last meal for a week and a half may have been a little different last night had I known that. Oh well. Shopping begins a little early now. A week and a half on water, jello and broth. Wow. Should be a fun week and a half, lol. Yes, I said week and a half quite a few times because it's a long time, not in reality, but when you can't eat whole foods OR anything else, it should feel like an eternity. Of course, the plus side is that I will lose a ton more weight. Woohoo!!!

A few thoughts...

First, I emailed my nutritionist yesterday because I am confused about the types of food, how much, etc. I'm supposed to be eating during the first two phases. Here are three sentences from her email and you tell me if I should not still be confused!! "For example, Phase 1 is Clear Liquids. You can drink 100% apple/grape/cranberry juice only during this phase or have some tea, broth, diet jello, Italian ice, etc. The choice is yours as long as you do not eat solid food or drink beverages which are not clear." Since when is cranberry juice a clear liquid!!! I did make an appointment to see her when I see the surgeon the week after surgery. I guess I'm just going to do the best I can. I want to make sure I don't get sick, but am still getting everything I am supposed to be.

Second, I did pre-op this morning. I had to have an EKG, blood taken, urine tested, questions answered and chest X-ray. I did start to get a little upset while waiting on the various people helping me. This is really real and it's really happening next week. I think I am more then nervous. I'm scared. Not scared enough to not go through with it, but scared. I will have a breathing tube down my throat during surgery. Everyone is just so casual about it. I know this is their job and it's second nature to them AND it's not them going through it, but I think it almost makes it worse because it's a major surgery and it's very serious. All the doctors and surgeons know each other, which is comforting because it's not their first rodeo, but still....

Lastly, Anthony found out late last night that one of his friends passed away. He just had surgery on Friday from a broken ankle and torn ligments from three weeks prior. He was home, sitting in his chair and had a heart attack. He was 35 years old. I went in the bathroom a short time after Anthony told me and cried, both for the loss of Joe and for the increase in my anxiety about my own surgery. Many factors are different between him and I...obvious different type of surgery and smoked two packs a day, but he was also on the heavy side. I don't want to discuss this with Anthony because he is dealing with enough right now and he was already nervous about my surgery as it was, but now, I'm even more nervous. An autopsy is supposed to be performed today to see what exactly caused his heart attack. Nonetheless, it is still a shock and very sad. It's clearer everyday why smoking and being so overweight is dangerous. I am glad that I have made the decision to handle my problem and increase my health. As one of my friends has been telling me for the past week, positive thoughts. I have been praying a lot and intend to go to Church to light a candle for both Joe and his family and for my health. It's been a rough 12 hours, to say the least.

Another lesson learned...

The past two weeks, as you know, I have been struggling with Medifast. On the weekends and during the week, I wouldn't eat all 5 of my Medifast meals. Yesterday was the first day in about 2 weeks that I did AND I lost a pound. Why am I so stubborn?? As it is, I'm probably only having about 900 calories a day. Why keep depriving myself?? The 5 and 1 plan is set up a certain way for a reason and you have to follow it exactly. I might as well get used to eating six times a day now because that's how I will be living the rest of my life, like that's a terrible thing.

One week from now...

my surgery will have been completed. I started freaking out a little on the way to work this morning and keep obsessing about the foods I can and can't have after surgery. I keep going over my shopping list for the weekend. I don't want to get sick, but I want to make sure I am eating and drinking enough. It just all seems so confusing all of a sudden. Last night, I was concerned that my liver may not have shrunk enough prior to surgery because I have cheated a little from time to time. I hope that I am worrying for no reason and will do my best to stick to Medifast this last week. I am really stressed at work and have a lot of pressure trying to finish up certain responsibilities before my surgery. I certainly realize since starting this adventure that I do have a serious problem with food. I've gotten much better, but I think it will always be a problem for me. As I've been told before, a food addiction is the hardest addiction to have for two reasons.....first, as soon as you walk into a room, everyone that sees you knows what your problem is. Lastly, you need food to survive. You can't just stop eating. Deep breaths....

One week and counting.....

This past week or two have been really tough. I have been up and down a few pounds, but currently back down to my lowest at 293.2. Yes, I did cheat a little, but for the most part, I behaved myself. Just getting tired of these shakes. I'm so glad it's almost over and can eat food again, at least for more then one meal.

Tonight, I tried tofu spaghetti for the first time. I was VERY skeptical about it. I have never had tofu before and in general, has been a turn off for me. I also thought it looked gross and had no taste. Well, tonight I am a lover!! I did not appreciate tofu for what it was. A client was telling me about the spaghetti and bought me a bag. I figured, heck, let me give it a try. I browned some chopped turkey and made some tomato sauce and threw in the spaghetti. YUM!!!! Can't wait to have more of it tomorrow. I also made a little bit for my mom to try since she always watches her weight. It is so incredibly low in calories and carbs and a definite for when I'm on the mushy food phase.

OK, now on to some sugergy updates. Tomorrow night I visit my general physician for a medical clearance and Wednesday is Pre-Op. No special rules like fasting or anything and I should learn more about what to expect the day of surgery, which is one week from tomorrow. The past week, I have been very emotional concerning the surgery, which possibly is the reason I went on a minor binge one night. I have chosen to share my decision to have lap band surgery with very few people I personally know. Kind of funny I'm doing this blog for the world to see, but the internet offers much privacy even though I completely expose myself. I have had mixed feelings, not so much about the procedure itself, but how people will react to me after it's done and whether I did the right thing by keeping it private for now. I do have moments that I freak out about the surgery, but stay calm for Anthony. He is very nervous about the surgery. I am lucky enough to have him with me throughout this whole process and the week after surgery as I am recovering at home. I am getting very excited about starting my life over. I can't believe in one week, my life will change forever!! Not too much pressure there. I just keep taking deep breaths and thinking about how much this will improve my enjoyment of life.

Tired

So, I am officially getting sick of Medifast. It's been about 6 weeks now and I'm tired of only having one meal per day. I'm tired of all the shakes. I mix things up and try to make them as different as possible, but damn it, I just want to eat again!!! Sad thing is, I still have about a month before I can eat some food on a regular basis and about 2 months before I'm on solid foods all the time. Wow, what a long adventure this is turning into. I know it's for my health and I know I have to do it, but today, I am tired of it. Let's be honest...I love food and I love to eat. I miss it. I'm tired of sitting at a table with other people eating yummy food and I'm sitting there sipping on my shake trying to ignore the delicious smells blowing my way. For the most part, I have been incredibly successful, but it's so incredibly difficult and I'm feeling weak today.

Some weight loss progess

This morning I weighed in at 293.2 so that means I am down 13 pounds since starting Medifast. A few people have started to notice. I'm not sure I necessarily see anything in myself yet, but I have started to feel it in some of my clothes and most notably when I put my seatbelt on. Three more weeks!!!