Still on Track

I stuck to the program most of the week. Saturday and Sunday I just didn't feel like eating. Weird?? I know. I haven't gone back to the gym yet, but have been doing a lot around the house and have been feeling better. I'm planning on going back after July 4.

The results...HW 317, PSW 306.4, SW 284, CW 270.2

It's Working

One week down on Medifast. Since I don't eat a lot of calories, any bit of effort completely wears me out. I did great and hope it continues.

And the results are....HW 317, PSW 306.4, SW 284, CW 272.2

And that's after I got my period halfway through the week. AMAZING!!

Reflection

So it's been just over a year since I started this blog. As you know, the past few months, I have not been very active here because of my complete disappointment and discouragement. Ultimately, I do not regret having the surgery. I think the restriction on how much I can eat will be beneficial throughout my life because once I get started, I have a hard time stopping. I do not go for my visits with the surgeon anymore and probably won't again unless I absolutely have to. The friend/client that did so well on Medifast is now a coach for their company. I have decided to go back and try it again. It worked the first time and I'm already used to eating less and 6 times a day. I started on Monday and have had fabulous results since. I'm not sure why I wasn't given more guidance the first time around, but her little tips have kept me interested and not hungry. On their website, you can track your meals, calories, weight loss and exercise and so far, I've been diligent with it. I have asked her to keep tabs on me and she has texted everyday. Even though I have been keeping up with my exercise, I'm supposed to reduce it by half for the first weeks while on this program. Of course, I figured since I was already eating reduced calories and my body was used to it, that rule would not apply to me. Well, last night I mowed my lawn and could have easily gone to bed at 8 pm. I guess it is affecting me. I can't do the gym tonight because I forgot an extra meal and there is no way I can go so many hours AND workout without eating. I will remember tomorrow to pack it.

So, I will admit where I'm at and will begin to track things again here: HW 317, PSW 306.4, SW 284, CW (as of Monday when I started Medifast) 279.8

I'm baaaaack!!

So I went to the gym Friday night and made it to 40 minutes. Saturday, I made it on the elliptical trainer to 50 minutes and on Sunday, I made it the full 60 minutes PLUS a 5 minute cool down. I feel amazing AND I lost 2 of the pounds I have gained back. I feel so energized and excited to go back tonight, even though I didn't sleep much last night with the announcement that Bin Laden had been killed.

It's been a while

I haven't posted in some time. I find it very difficult to get back on the right track eating what I should and exercising. I really don't know what my problem is. I've cancelled my doctor's appointments and just trying to get a grip. I'm so mad that tax season has once again 'won'. I hate what an extra 10-15 pounds has made me feel and look like. I know I shouldn't dwell on my mistakes or what happened and just go forward, but it's so hard. I don't eat as much anymore since tax season has ended and now I realize how bad the stress is and how much of an emotional eater I am. I want to start over and lose like I should and never let that happen again. I get full, but I never get sick from the amount of food I consume. I rarely get sick anymore, only if a food isn't moist enough and gets stuck. I feel like I can eat so much more than I should be or thought I could ever eat after the surgery. I want so badly to snap out of this funk and get back that 'loving gym' feeling and spend extra time cooking yummy foods again, not just throwing things together. I know I need a vacation desperately and have none planned at the moment. I blame tax season a lot, but bottom line, I can't leave the industry now so I just have to find better ways to deal with it. I've been back to the gym only once since April 15th and left feeling so defeated. I could only do a half an hour on the ellipitcal trainer, when I had worked up to doing an hour before I stopped going. Everyday since I've been trying to convince myself to go and have failed. Again, I am going to try to muster the strength and courage to go tonight after work.

Wow

Since, my last post, I have lost complete control. I've been working a minimum of 60 hour weeks and haven't hit the gym or moved much out of my chair at work. I've been eating everything in sight and have been making some poor choices. I don't know what's going on with me. I know this is all stress related and can not believe the damage that I have done. I have worked so hard and let it all slip away so easily and quickly. I know it's not over and it's just a stumble and I can pick up the pieces and move on, but wow, is all I can say. How quickly I can screw up such hard work. The truest thing ever said about this surgery was that the lap band is just a tool. If I choose not to change my life, the lap band will not help. I have felt like crap for the past few weeks and fuller than I ever should be. I only have 3 weeks of tax season left. I hope to get to the gym sometime later this week. I will make better choices and eat only when I'm hungry. I did start making this really yummy tuna dish for lunch. I use a can of tuna, some golden raisins, chopped onions, fat free mayo and chopped broccoli. It's so filling and different than just plain old tuna.

What's done is done. I changed my appointment to the end of April. No point in going in before when I haven't been doing what I'm supposed to be doing. I certainly don't want to be lectured at this point. I know I screwed up, but it's not over. I want to get back on track now. I can do this. I will succeed. I have learned so much about myself throughout this journey and still have a long way to go.

Tomorrow is another day and I will get back on track and do the right thing for my health. No more fooling around. Christine first.

I don't want to post the updates, because I'm embarrassed that I let things spin out of control so quickly without realizing in such a short amount of time.

No Fill For Me!!

I didn't get a fill yesterday. The surgeon says my reaction to bread and chicken was typical when the band is this tight. He thinks it's at a good point now and will only fill in small increments in the future, like a quarter or half cc. The doctor said my weight loss is slow and I just looked at him. Duh!! It's what I complain about every single visit. We once again went through the foods I eat on a daily basis and he was only concerned with my breakfast which is a No Sugar Added Carnation Instant Breakfast shake made with skim milk plus. He always tears apart that breakfast, but honestly, I went home and looked at the box versus a box of cereal that he suggested and I just don't get it. The shake looks so much healthier and a third of the carbs. I will have to bring the box in next visit because I'm so confused. I really don't mean to challenge so much. I'm just trying to learn and once again, I feel like I'm getting conflicting information. Of course, yesterday I was still at my highest weight in the past 3 weeks when I went for my weigh in, but somehow managed to lose a pound according to their records. I haven't been to the gym since Sunday and haven't been eating veggies like I should be because I'm broke and imagine my surprise when I stepped on the scale this morning. I seriously don't get it at all!!!

HW 317, PSW 306.4, SW 284, CW 263

Weekly Update

Since joining the gym, I went 3 days one week and 4 days last week. A huge accomplishment since it's tax season and I have virtually no time for anything, but work. That being said, this week will be one of those weeks and don't expect to hit the gym until Friday. I spend about an hour each day I'm there, doing mainly cardio/fat burn. I still have the weight gain from 2 weeks ago, but will post the results today. It's just frustrating because I know it's not real and now I will be going to the surgeon this week and not showing good results even though I've been doing more than I have ever been. Oh well. Just have to wait it out for my body to adjust once again.

Results: HW 317,PSW 306.4, SW 284, CW 265

Figured This Out

I love cooking, but need a recipe. I'm not at the point where I could be given a few ingredients and make this wonderful meal from it. Today, I had a yummy lunch and figured it out on my own. I had one of those chicken breasts still left. Every time I have opened the fridge door since Friday, it's terrified me. Then I looked to the left and the right and saw some salsa and some shredded cheese. Hmmmmmm. I threw the rest of the salsa on it and some of the shredded cheese and it was absolutely delicious and good for me. Best part of the whole things was that I didn't have any problems swallowing it. Woohoo!!!

No gym today because I'm getting a massive workout from running up and down the stairs carrying loads of laundry, vacuuming and doing other house work. I'm wiped out already, but have a lot more to go. Even though I am sometimes out of breath, I feel great and keep pushing ahead. What a difference this loss of weight has made. I'm a happy girl!!

Uh Oh

So, remember yesterday how I said that when I got sick, it wasn't necessarily an immediate thing?? Well, I learned today that the conference room in my office (where we eat lunch) is REALLY far from the bathroom. Today's lunch was a hero. I have not had any problems eating this sandwich before today. Today, I was about 3 bites in and I got sick all over myself on the way to the bathroom. I don't think the bread agrees with me anymore or I'm not chewing enough. Either case, I cleaned myself up and went back and just ate a little bit of the meat off the sandwich. Guess I should just stick to the tuna for now on.

I'm gonna say that I will not be filled when I go back for my next appointment.

I do not regret anything. This is just a little obstacle that I need to learn how to get past and I will.

I'm Back

I haven't posted in awhile for many reasons, but have learned a great deal. Just to update, about a week and a half ago, I received another cc of saline in my band, so I'm up to 5 cc's now. Recovery time was pretty much nothing, a complete breeze compared to the prior fill. I definitely have felt the difference since these last 3 cc's were filled. I have to be a lot more conscious of what I'm eating, how I'm eating it and remember to slow down. Today marked the first actual time I got sick eating. It wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be, but it wasn't great either. I ate chicken that I had frozen and reheated. Not the greatest idea unless I have gravy or something to make it moist. That was my problem. It got stuck in my chest area. It hits quick and right away you know something is wrong. I tried drinking some water, but also knew immediately that it wasn't going to do the trick. I went to the bathroom and got sick. It's not like when you have a virus and possibly can't make the bathroom. You can make it, but it's an uncomfortable feeling and scary. I've been told to stay calm, but of course, when it's you going through it, it's easier said than done. I did relax as much as I could, drank some water, which only made things worse, but eventually everything worked itself out. Naturally, I haven't been entirely myself since. My legs have been rubbery and I just really want to go home and lay down for a bit.

So, as you have read in previous posts, I have freaked out about the slightest weight gain, especially when there is absolutely no reason for it. I discussed it again with everyone at my last appointment and everyone said that it's just hormonal weight gain and I just have to learn to let it pass because there is nothing I can to do prevent it and it always comes off in a week or two. I have still felt that things have been on the slow side. I've been losing, steady, I guess, but so slow. They actually told me that I'm about 10 pounds ahead of schedule. Imagine that!! I was also told to relax and to get out of my head a certain number of pounds to lose. I'm doing fantastic and should be so proud of all I've accomplished. Of course, I am, but I'm trying not to think about it as much anymore. I'm trying to ignore the scale more.

A couple of weeks ago, I finally found a gym that has everything that I've been looking for. I got a free hour session with a personal trainer with my membership and met with her last week. Boy, did I learn a lot!! Seems I've been working out wrong all along. Weights first and then cardio to lose the most weight. Circuit training isn't the best because your muscles get too used to the same motions and after awhile it's not beneficial anymore. I do still do the circuit machines, which are completely different than I've ever used. It takes me about 20 minutes to go through them. I'm starting off easy, but I think next week, I'll go back to 3 sets. Then I do a half hour on the elliptical trainer. I only do the weights every other time because you have to give your muscles a chance to recover and rebuild themselves. On the 'other' days, I'm trying to do the elliptical trainer for about 40 minutes. I made it to 45 the other night. Not bad at all, if you ask me!! So, I've bounced back to the gym with no problems and I'm not letting tax season stop me. I sure wish I could afford the personal trainer because she was wonderful. She did some functional training with me that kicked my butt, but felt amazing!! That's really what I should be doing. Maybe in time. It's amazing that if you stand a certain way, a simple movement will work your entire body and feel so great. I'm having a great time at the gym so far. It's a little crowded, but I'm dealing with it. Feeling great afterwards, however, got on the scale this week and I had gained a few pounds again. I just can't win!! I'm trying to ignore it though.

Another thing I have realized is that I have not been drinking nearly enough water so I have completely changed that and drink only water constantly. I have to make a million trips to the bathroom, but that gets me out of my chair at work and it definitely helps.

I feel at this point that everything has fallen into place for me. Making the right choices has become easy, if not second nature. I don't have cravings anymore like I used to. If I feel like a brownie, I have one, a small one, but I don't sacrifice. Honestly, I rarely chose the wrong things which is so crazy for anyone that knows me. I still love to eat, but I enjoy what I eat more and don't want to waste eating food on garbage. I'm definitely a much happier person, but it's not necessarily all due to the weight loss. I've really been going through a complete transformation in the last 9 months or so and I'm a much better person because of it.

I will not share results now, but my lowest has been 261.2. :)

Saw This and Thought it Was Very Funny-Enjoy!

THE TODDLER DIET

You folks with toddlers should relate to this one!

Americans are always on the lookout for a new diet. The
trouble with most diets is that you don't get enough to
eat (the starvation diet), or you don't get enough
variation (the liquid diet) or you go broke (the all-meat
diet).

Well, now there's the new Toddler Miracle Diet! Over the
years you may have noticed, as I have, that most two-year-
olds are trim. It came to me one day over a glass of water
and a carrot that perhaps their diet is the reason. After
consultation with pediatricians, X-ray technicians, and
distraught Moms, I was able to formulate this new diet.

Good luck!

DAY ONE
Breakfast: One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape
jelly. Eat 2 bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the
rest on the floor. Take 1 bite of toast, then smear the
jelly over your face and clothes.

Lunch: Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips,
and a glass of milk (3 sips only, then spill the rest).

Dinner: A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, 4 sips of
flat Pepsi.

Bedtime snack: Toast a piece of bread and toss it on the
kitchen floor.

DAY TWO
Breakfast: Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat
it. Drink half bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of
vegetable dye.

Lunch: Half a tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a
handful of Purina Dog Chow (any flavor) or cat food, if you
are named MiKayla. One ice cube, if desired.

Afternoon Snack: Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take
outside, drop in dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until
it is clean again. Then bring inside and drop on the rug.

Dinner: A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust
up your left nostril. Pour grape Kool-Aid over mashed
potatoes; eat with a spoon.

DAY THREE
Breakfast: Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat one with
fingers, rub in hair. Glass of milk; drink half, stuff other
pancake in glass. After breakfast, pick up yesterday's sucker
from rug, lick off fuzz, and put it on the cushion of your
best chair.

Lunch: Three matches, peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Spit
several bites onto the floor. Pour glass of milk on table
and slurp up.

Dinner: Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, some red
punch.

FINAL DAY
Breakfast: A quarter-tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of
soap, an olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of Cornflakes,
add a half cup of sugar. Once cereal is soggy, drink milk
and feed cereal to dog.

Lunch: Eat crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet.
Find that sucker and finish eating it.

Dinner: A glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave meat-
ball on plate. Stick of mascara for dessert.

Woke Up Feeling Skinny

You know it's going to be a great day when you wake up and lie in bed and feel skinny!!! Of course, I weighed myself ASAP and it's true!! Well, maybe not skinny, but nice weight lost.

I didn't eat much over the weekend because my stomach was swollen. It's amazing how aware I have become. It's a weird feeling and it's hard to describe to those not having this surgery. The best I have come up with so far is that my stomach is now sort of hourglass shaped and when food finally passes through the skinny part where the lap band is, it can sometimes feel a little bit like the food is been suctioned through. Weird, I know, but even weirder to feel it. I was in minimal pain over the weekend and ate mainly applesauce and pudding. I tried some baby food that was a little chunky and I felt every bit of it. I did not get sick, but it's such a weird feeling. I'm hoping today I can eat a yummy chicken dinner. I made tuna for lunch, which I still puree with a little fat free mayo to add moisture and have had no problems with it. I made chicken salad the same way. I don't puree it down to a liquid, it still has some chunks in it, just a quick few seconds in my magic bullet.

I went with my godson to the Hall of Science yesterday and we went in the Hall of Mirrors. I was a little hesitant because I didn't need to see myself any fatter than I already am, BUT did enjoy the mirror that made me look skinny. I wish I had my camera with me to take a picture for inspiration. I looked good. :)

Back to the elliptical trainer tonight!!

The results: HW 317, PSW 306.4, SW 284, CW 265. :) So ready to be out of the 260s.

My 2nd Fill

The doctors seemed to be OK with my progress. They say I lost 3 pounds since the last visit, but I just don't see how that's possible. Anyway, they decided to fill me 2 cc's more so I'm at 4 cc's total now. I was really scared sitting in there. I was almost in tears. The fill wasn't too awful, but he said it's difficult because I have so much scar tissue. I could also do without him flicking the syringe while it's still in me. The assistant doctor freaked me out saying that if I go home today and get sick from swallowing water, I have to go back tonight and get loosened. Again, more inconsistencies....he says only clear liquids until Monday, my surgeon says mushy foods through Saturday. Who knows what's right anymore.

I'm Not Giving Up

So, I have reviewed my weight loss over the past 2 months and it appears to be pretty stagnant. As I've said before, it's been up and down the same few pounds. In the past, this is definitely the point I would have given up and gained back everything I've lost and then some. I can't anymore and don't have the urge to. I just want to keep losing. I have been working out every night at home and eating what I'm supposed to be 95% of the time. I have sacrificed a lot of foods and drinks I normally would have eaten and drank and still have remained the same weight. As frustrating as it is for me, I'm staying positive and just continuing what I'm doing. It has to come off at some point, right??

A New Year, A New Beginning

I've struggled a lot since having surgery, but then again, I've struggled for about half my life. It is clear that for the rest of my life I will continue to struggle. Life gets in the way and nothing is ever perfect. As long as my numbers continue on a downward slope, I will be happy. I feel like I've lost the same couple of pounds over and over and over again. I haven't been perfect, but I've done a pretty good job. I don't completely sacrifice, as some of my doctors may want me, but rather take tastes if I really can't resist a food and am satisfied. I have to remember that I can't possibly eat everything put out on a table anymore and shouldn't. For those of you that have eaten at my parent's house, you know how difficult that could be. It's OK to taste and have a few different foods, but I can take the rest home as leftovers. No big deal and then the meal gets to be enjoyed for multiple days. I have to remember to take a breath and slow down...enjoy every bite.

Today, I started my new exercise regimen. I parked a few blocks down the street from my job (not entirely by choice, but trying to stay positive about it). I used the stairs to go up to and down from my office. No more elevator for me!! I also started using my elliptical trainer in the basement. My gym has not reopened and I haven't found any other gyms that have what I'm looking for. I set up my laptop (for the time being) and have selected the Friends series to help pass my time. Each episode is about 22 minutes and that's a good start for me for now. I was doing a little less at the gym and another 30-35 minutes on the weight machines, but my goal is to work up to 45 minutes on the elliptical trainer and then I can start watch my hour long shows, lol.

My attitude towards life is changing. I'm trying to be more positive and do what's best for me. This year, I want to be healthy and truly happy with my life. Whatever I have to do to make that happen, I will.

My next doctor visit is Friday and I will definitely be filled. Can't wait for a liquid diet weekend.

It's a New Year

My post will be brief today. I will just share my results.

HW 317, PSW 306.4, SW 284, CW 267.2